Swanage news

metalspacebat · Post by **metalspacebat** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:16 am

The ultimate white-knuckle sport has taken off in south Dorset. 'Deadline Parachuting' sounds interesting and works like this. Parachutists jump from a very high altitude, the twist being that instead of a fitted parachute they have a kit containing all you need to assemble a working parachute, such as clear step-by-step diagrams, an Allen key, scissors and glue. This must be put together and fitted during descent - hence working to a Deadline. Not for people that are all fingers and thumbs - I'd be rubbish - but an interesting, high adrenaline concept all the same.

Mattb · Post by **Mattb** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 1:37 pm

Didn't realise it was April 1st again? :P

Seriously though, that's got to be a fabrication. No-one would let you jump out of a plane with no parachute :P

metalspacebat · Post by **metalspacebat** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 2:49 pm

Just spied this little snipet

A low budget remake of Lawrence of Arabia, filmed in and around Dorset, has run into technical difficulties. A lack of high quality camels meant that some cows, and a sheep, had to be 'adapted' to fit the role which is of course not ideal. Add to that the lack of suitable sand on the beach - the setting for the Sinai Desert - and a very small Bedouin community in Dorset from which to draw extras, and you can understand why production has run behind. However, if you want to go down and watch filming at weekend do feel free to do so. Bring a flask as it's going to be cold.

Istenem · Post by **Istenem** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 3:01 pm

not sure what this has to do with anything but i like the irrelevence of it all.
there is a certain pleasure in reading well-constructed nonsense.

metalspacebat · Post by **metalspacebat** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 3:23 pm

unknownpseudonym wrote:not sure what this has to do with anything but i like the irrelevence of it all.
there is a certain pleasure in reading well-constructed nonsense.

Its in the hope that someone might take pity on me and give me some decent tips on rinsing those one arm banditos that i'm addicted to.

metalspacebat · Post by **metalspacebat** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 3:40 pm

Q:What's the Point of training a cat as a lifeguard? A: There is no point. This is a lesson hard learned by Tomcat Lifeguards of Dorset who thought they spotted a gap in the summer beach patrol marketplace. Basically the cats aren't interested - despite the uniform - and demanded danger money for going in the water. Oh well, good effort, poorly thought out.

Matty · Post by **Matty** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 4:11 pm

Mattb · Post by **Mattb** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 4:13 pm

I like it!

metalspacebat · Post by **metalspacebat** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 4:36 pm

Matty wrote:

O well...

Chaos at a 'Charity Cossack Tea Dance and Classical Concert' last weekend. Several senior citizen participants complained of not being able to keep pace during the beserka dance, which involves being chased by wild Steppe horses. Several minor flesh wounds resulted from the Sabre Dance and to cap it all, no one had fully checked the status of the cannons to be used at the crescendo of the 1812 Overture. This resulted in several cannonballs being fired into the Crumpet and Blini Tent, wrecking it completely. Plenty of red faces amongst the organisers it would seem.

Matty · Post by **Matty** » Wed Nov 15, 2006 5:05 pm

what the hell is going on in this thread

metalspacebat · Post by **metalspacebat** » Thu Nov 16, 2006 10:17 am

:P

These Russian themed events really seem to have taken off down on the Dorset Coast. Only last week a Cossack Hunt caused a great stir. Basically teams of folk are put in a 'Siberian Forest' with maps and compasses and have to find a way out. Pretty easy, except for the fact that they are hunted by lance-carrying Steppe Cossacks and some assorted wolves. First group out the forest wins some thermos flasks and a tartan rug. Anyway a great time was had by all the Cossacks and wolves. Sort of orienteering with a twist.

metalspacebat · Post by **metalspacebat** » Wed Nov 29, 2006 12:45 pm

News from Swanage. Les Vernon, who vanished during a seaside magic show in 1958, reappeared this week at another magic show given by the same magician! In 1958 'the Great Bomballini', (real name: Ken Sponge) was at a loss to explain what had happened, and made profound apologies to Les's wife Mary. Mary, who subsequently remarried the magician, remains mystified.' I remember distinctly. Les was behind a cloak, there was a puff of smoke, and he was gone. It wouldn't have been so bad, but the Great Bomballini, now my husband, had sawed my Uncle Ted in half the previous year.' We understand Mr Vernon is considering legal action.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:20 pm

Quality deadpanning.

metalspacebat · Post by **metalspacebat** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 9:18 am

Do elves and/or pixies smoke? This is a question at the heart of a legal battle in mid-Dorset. Eight suspended workers from a bun factory claim that it was not them smoking in a non-smoking building, it was in fact little magical people who keep popping in. The factory is said to be close to an enchanted wood from where pixies and/or elves are alleged to have come in to the factory for a quick Lucky Strike. This activity has set the fire alarm off on several occasions, but the little blighters have scarpered before security got there. The case continues

Scott · Post by **Scott** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:39 pm

even the elves knew how too empty this machine then