Felixstoe
"slightly on top in there."
How on top?
If I, JG, walked up to the bar, in a nervous and guilty manner asked for an orange juice and then looked at the dartboard for two seconds before walking aimlessly around pretending to look for a mte who wasn't there, whilst pretending to text on my phone, but not texting really then walking up to Invincible then getting a £70/£35 from £32 in and leaving, what would happen?
Say I did that three times in three weeks, but changed the route I walked aimlessly around the pub, sometimes alternating between looking at a blackboard with 'today's specials and QUIZ NITE KARAOKE' chalked on it and other times checking up on the cost of a game of pool and sometimes actually texting a mate for real when I didn't really want to text them. Would they notice that?
What if I wore the same top all three times? Or if I had £200 coins on me bagged up in £20s which I would pull up from my combat trousers with holes in the pockets?
What would happen?
How on top?
If I, JG, walked up to the bar, in a nervous and guilty manner asked for an orange juice and then looked at the dartboard for two seconds before walking aimlessly around pretending to look for a mte who wasn't there, whilst pretending to text on my phone, but not texting really then walking up to Invincible then getting a £70/£35 from £32 in and leaving, what would happen?
Say I did that three times in three weeks, but changed the route I walked aimlessly around the pub, sometimes alternating between looking at a blackboard with 'today's specials and QUIZ NITE KARAOKE' chalked on it and other times checking up on the cost of a game of pool and sometimes actually texting a mate for real when I didn't really want to text them. Would they notice that?
What if I wore the same top all three times? Or if I had £200 coins on me bagged up in £20s which I would pull up from my combat trousers with holes in the pockets?
What would happen?
If you went in the back door, walked around the bar and stood at the end whilst ordering your half (next to the machine) then the bloke would keep staring at you for another 20 seconds. You would sit down and the blokes attention would be diverted to the fat bloke hollering for a pint of Guiness. A quick key and you're away. When the £70 comes out, the landlord might say something like "that sounded like a lot of coins paying out!" He stares hard at the machine for a few seconds then thinks nothing of it. Therefore slightly on top.
If you entered by the front and ordered your coke, and dived straight on the machine then the landlord would feel obliged to watch you whilst you take the £70 out. You leave your coke on top of the machine, quickly exit the pub and the landlord is outside trying to take down your number plate as you drive off.
Of course, you could order a pint or a glass of red wine. Then sit down for a few minutes and maybe play the quiz machine. Eventually you would be on the machine. That way, it might not be on top if you're lucky.
If you entered by the front and ordered your coke, and dived straight on the machine then the landlord would feel obliged to watch you whilst you take the £70 out. You leave your coke on top of the machine, quickly exit the pub and the landlord is outside trying to take down your number plate as you drive off.
Of course, you could order a pint or a glass of red wine. Then sit down for a few minutes and maybe play the quiz machine. Eventually you would be on the machine. That way, it might not be on top if you're lucky.
What would happen if I walked in the side entrance and ordered a 3lb steak and spicy chips and three pints of Guinness Red with three 'chilled prozac' and a ton of vlodblart de menthe chaser cocktails?
Then I booked a room to stay in for four months, like Alan Partridge?
Every morning I would come down for breakfast paying extra for an extra large kipper or an extra large egg or a double size toast rack. I would chat to the barstaff and like a confidence trickster get them on my side. During this four month period, NOT ONCE would I play a fruit machine.
I would sign up for the darts team, pool team and quiz team and religiously go on any jolly boy's outings, team days out and participate in all lock ins. I'd drink the bar dry and give generous tips.
On the final day of the fourth month, I'd come down for breakfast and see a Monopoly Hot Property had replaced the Invincible. I'd tut in annoyance, my plan thwarted, but then try a quid. I lose. I leave.
Would I get barred for that? Would I be arrested? Should I remove my number plate?
Then I booked a room to stay in for four months, like Alan Partridge?
Every morning I would come down for breakfast paying extra for an extra large kipper or an extra large egg or a double size toast rack. I would chat to the barstaff and like a confidence trickster get them on my side. During this four month period, NOT ONCE would I play a fruit machine.
I would sign up for the darts team, pool team and quiz team and religiously go on any jolly boy's outings, team days out and participate in all lock ins. I'd drink the bar dry and give generous tips.
On the final day of the fourth month, I'd come down for breakfast and see a Monopoly Hot Property had replaced the Invincible. I'd tut in annoyance, my plan thwarted, but then try a quid. I lose. I leave.
Would I get barred for that? Would I be arrested? Should I remove my number plate?
That would make me think that the landlord actually discovered your plan, maybe from reading this very message board. He would have done his homework, reading up on your turmoil with Monopoly Hot Property and requested Gamestec to deliver that very machine in replacement of Invincible.
So... no you wouldn't be barred. You would be welcome in the pub for the rest of your existence
So... no you wouldn't be barred. You would be welcome in the pub for the rest of your existence
u'll be losin money in that pub for four months, landlord will be fookin well happyJG wrote:What would happen if I walked in the side entrance and ordered a 3lb steak and spicy chips and three pints of Guinness Red with three 'chilled prozac' and a ton of vlodblart de menthe chaser cocktails?
Then I booked a room to stay in for four months, like Alan Partridge?
Every morning I would come down for breakfast paying extra for an extra large kipper or an extra large egg or a double size toast rack. I would chat to the barstaff and like a confidence trickster get them on my side. During this four month period, NOT ONCE would I play a fruit machine.
I would sign up for the darts team, pool team and quiz team and religiously go on any jolly boy's outings, team days out and participate in all lock ins. I'd drink the bar dry and give generous tips.
On the final day of the fourth month, I'd come down for breakfast and see a Monopoly Hot Property had replaced the Invincible. I'd tut in annoyance, my plan thwarted, but then try a quid. I lose. I leave.
Would I get barred for that? Would I be arrested? Should I remove my number plate?
-
mr lugsy
- Senior Member
- Posts: 5776
- Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:19 pm
- Location: looking over your shoulder
- Contact:
lol on top, if you went to the bar in the falcon or, hand in hand, and asked for twenty ones they'd say we don't do change for the launderette, they aint even on top of their own beds most nights.
you walk in casually(very sketchilly)calmly ,serenely(nervously)and the music stops(just like in an old western just b4 a jolly good punchup) you walk upto the bar and order a double woods navy rum and coke(sorry we only do happy shopper cola and you don't really want the rum any way ,you just in ere to rinse da invince..but carry on for a bit like) wiping the sweat from your palms you pick up the change and meander across the bar taking a passing glance at the quizzer b4 showing your true colours blatantly to all and sundry who are now all eyes on the machine fiddle diddler and then you head back to the bar to get the rum and joey cola you forgot ,then back again to the invincible ,the music starts once more,and everyone carries on with their innane chatter about the local pig farming industry and whether or not weston pier was arson or arson.
first nug d.t.b(sweet(ish)) 97 for flat top(music spins back instantly to a halt) all eyes back on the fiddle diddler ,landlady screams rape! down woods and h.s cola and get the f##k outta suffolk quick before you get fed to the pigs . nothing too on top then.
you walk in casually(very sketchilly)calmly ,serenely(nervously)and the music stops(just like in an old western just b4 a jolly good punchup) you walk upto the bar and order a double woods navy rum and coke(sorry we only do happy shopper cola and you don't really want the rum any way ,you just in ere to rinse da invince..but carry on for a bit like) wiping the sweat from your palms you pick up the change and meander across the bar taking a passing glance at the quizzer b4 showing your true colours blatantly to all and sundry who are now all eyes on the machine fiddle diddler and then you head back to the bar to get the rum and joey cola you forgot ,then back again to the invincible ,the music starts once more,and everyone carries on with their innane chatter about the local pig farming industry and whether or not weston pier was arson or arson.
first nug d.t.b(sweet(ish)) 97 for flat top(music spins back instantly to a halt) all eyes back on the fiddle diddler ,landlady screams rape! down woods and h.s cola and get the f##k outta suffolk quick before you get fed to the pigs . nothing too on top then.
-
mr lugsy
- Senior Member
- Posts: 5776
- Joined: Thu Mar 13, 2008 12:19 pm
- Location: looking over your shoulder
- Contact:
the staff in the pub on the ordnance roundabout used to be sound when the pub was the bussiest in the town at weekends, this was like centuries
ago in the days of ace payrises etc,when it all went down hill for them they used to get grumpy when you got more than 9.60 and that was that.
i thought they changed name to "the grange" or something equally imaginative and their trend of zero customers went hand in hand with their intolerance of people winning close to a tenner from their machines,which were something like jewel in the crown or similar by this time.
i'm sure machineguard do have a list of diddy fiddlers and no.1 most wanted would probably be L.J a giant among microbes ,he resides in g.y and always wants 2 quid off you,cannonball/easy easy knows him.
ago in the days of ace payrises etc,when it all went down hill for them they used to get grumpy when you got more than 9.60 and that was that.
i thought they changed name to "the grange" or something equally imaginative and their trend of zero customers went hand in hand with their intolerance of people winning close to a tenner from their machines,which were something like jewel in the crown or similar by this time.
i'm sure machineguard do have a list of diddy fiddlers and no.1 most wanted would probably be L.J a giant among microbes ,he resides in g.y and always wants 2 quid off you,cannonball/easy easy knows him.