Skoda water with a slice of lemon please
Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2016 10:57 pm
The day started with an accomplice from near a town named after a fossil fuel. We headed over the usual parts, but it seemed that non white Eddie's prophecy about a right fog on the Pyne oh mine oh mine were true as we stumbled across various sub 30 LED. In short our usual stomping grounds were battered as if fenso himself had set his alarm clock, driven down in kesh's newly renovated merc and played out all the 468s with Tony and beef in the back giving advice on Shirley pokers and backstreet Boogies.
I phoned Robert and asked if I could come to Liverpool and play out the slow chip Crazy Chair in Harry's, but he had already done it along with the 5 potting Pure Golds. Besides which the Skoda Water that I'd just ordered at the bar didn't have much diesel in it and I was jiggered if I was floating it up.
Sod it, we'll ring Sp.......Sp......Sp........Spider up. A long standing player from one of the UK's major cities, Spider was bound to have a bone he could throw to us.
"No. I said I'd throw a bone at you if you ever came round these parts again. It'd be a big bone as well, like a dinosaur bone. Keep out!"
"Aw come on Spider, don't be like that, just anything, an unchipped tuppenny nudger, a banker's birthday on red reels, a 20p spare credit left in a Storm....help us out bro..."
"For fuck's sake, I must be getting softer the older I get, there's an 84pot on the left in deepest darkest Handsworth or Lozells, can't remember where. I'll allow you free passage down the a34 then you'd better fuck right off again. If I see you after 6pm I'll leave you in peace. I mean I'll leave you in pieces."
"Thanks Spider, we owe you one"
Beep beep beep blud clot beep rasta beep white man beep
"This is not the most salubrious licenced betting office in the UK"
"uuuft!"
Bip bip bumblebee wogwon bleep beep blood clots bleep
"Pick a coin and be quick about it"
Ping! £5,£10,£20......£2
"Fucking bollocks man!"
"I'm picking the next one"
"Well yeah you are because I'm having a Double JD neat in that boarded up pub next door, not on the rocks and with no mixer, just neat....err £10 should cover it"
"Very well, I'll add it to the tab"
His phone rang.
"Hello....what? Speak up, yeah it's on 99, no no that's on 94, 99 is the number of spectators....oh wait...it has just come out.....pound up....pull the car up...this needs to be a quick getaway....no there's no time for another JD double.......or single......"
However it was too late. The best made plans to go the way of the golden treacle were dashed by hordes of Albanians, Romanians, kossovans, and transitvans.
He had to ring up....the mole....
"Mole this is an emergency....what u benching at the minute?"
"More than you Georgina. Do you even lift?"
"This is no time for banter. I'm stuck in a mesh of foreign weirdos shouting weird stuff about blood clots. I need you to come by. There's a 402 here for you."
In a flash the floor erupted and mole appeared with a trombone. After benching 130 for ten reps three sets a load of smelly foreigners were no problem and a pathway to the door and the blue soda appeared.
"Cheers mole, but what's with the trombone?"
"Bad gear JG this is, supposed to make your traps twice as big, doesn't do shit, just makes loud windy noises, I got it off Bodol and Kirky, I said this doesn't look like trenbolone to me, never using them again. Shit gear. Parp."
He stepped into the soda as the heavens opened.
"I've had five Peroni, twenty b+h jewel, six Stella, two orange sodas, half a bag of bleach off
INTERVENTION
I typed way more than this but this shitting board wiped it. This fucking I pad is fucking my nut in with auto correct.
There was more to this, way more it was just warming up....fuck it I'm typing it out on the desktop.
Just wait there please
I phoned Robert and asked if I could come to Liverpool and play out the slow chip Crazy Chair in Harry's, but he had already done it along with the 5 potting Pure Golds. Besides which the Skoda Water that I'd just ordered at the bar didn't have much diesel in it and I was jiggered if I was floating it up.
Sod it, we'll ring Sp.......Sp......Sp........Spider up. A long standing player from one of the UK's major cities, Spider was bound to have a bone he could throw to us.
"No. I said I'd throw a bone at you if you ever came round these parts again. It'd be a big bone as well, like a dinosaur bone. Keep out!"
"Aw come on Spider, don't be like that, just anything, an unchipped tuppenny nudger, a banker's birthday on red reels, a 20p spare credit left in a Storm....help us out bro..."
"For fuck's sake, I must be getting softer the older I get, there's an 84pot on the left in deepest darkest Handsworth or Lozells, can't remember where. I'll allow you free passage down the a34 then you'd better fuck right off again. If I see you after 6pm I'll leave you in peace. I mean I'll leave you in pieces."
"Thanks Spider, we owe you one"
Beep beep beep blud clot beep rasta beep white man beep
"This is not the most salubrious licenced betting office in the UK"
"uuuft!"
Bip bip bumblebee wogwon bleep beep blood clots bleep
"Pick a coin and be quick about it"
Ping! £5,£10,£20......£2
"Fucking bollocks man!"
"I'm picking the next one"
"Well yeah you are because I'm having a Double JD neat in that boarded up pub next door, not on the rocks and with no mixer, just neat....err £10 should cover it"
"Very well, I'll add it to the tab"
His phone rang.
"Hello....what? Speak up, yeah it's on 99, no no that's on 94, 99 is the number of spectators....oh wait...it has just come out.....pound up....pull the car up...this needs to be a quick getaway....no there's no time for another JD double.......or single......"
However it was too late. The best made plans to go the way of the golden treacle were dashed by hordes of Albanians, Romanians, kossovans, and transitvans.
He had to ring up....the mole....
"Mole this is an emergency....what u benching at the minute?"
"More than you Georgina. Do you even lift?"
"This is no time for banter. I'm stuck in a mesh of foreign weirdos shouting weird stuff about blood clots. I need you to come by. There's a 402 here for you."
In a flash the floor erupted and mole appeared with a trombone. After benching 130 for ten reps three sets a load of smelly foreigners were no problem and a pathway to the door and the blue soda appeared.
"Cheers mole, but what's with the trombone?"
"Bad gear JG this is, supposed to make your traps twice as big, doesn't do shit, just makes loud windy noises, I got it off Bodol and Kirky, I said this doesn't look like trenbolone to me, never using them again. Shit gear. Parp."
He stepped into the soda as the heavens opened.
"I've had five Peroni, twenty b+h jewel, six Stella, two orange sodas, half a bag of bleach off
INTERVENTION
I typed way more than this but this shitting board wiped it. This fucking I pad is fucking my nut in with auto correct.
There was more to this, way more it was just warming up....fuck it I'm typing it out on the desktop.
Just wait there please