Fruit Machine Chat

Yet another CLOT horror story for the collection, arranged to meet mrs in a 241 pub for a late lunch as she was finishing work early, thought id get there half an hour early to score brownie points, who am i kidding got there early for the casino royal on the games warehouse. Said machine was unfortunately turned off awaiting refill ????

In the corner sits the nightmare waiting to happen but what harm can 4 or 5 quid for a board do while im waiting for the bag. Full up and refilled tmrw morning and dropping heavily onto coins. 3 quid in offers me £25 on an 11, lower, 3 , lovely. Head says collect as i know what a fucker these can be but heart says higher, before i know it my hand has pressed higher, how did that happen, lose, shit. Proceeds to die on its arse not going above a fiver, 50-60 later it glows on me arb1 so im thinking money back small loss at worst. Takes another 60 for the top with 2 blocks on £35 beforehand, and yes u guessed it, flat.

The bag arrives as im taking the 35 out, "get lucky did we?" not quite i'm a few quid down but wont be long, its got more in it i lied. Told her to get a table and i wouldnt be long!!!

Not prepared to take an £85 loss when i couldve been 30 up even if the mrs is waiting, a couple of boards later it goes back up to £35, shouldve cut and run here but the hand with the mind of its own went lower than a 9 and it lost. U know yr in trouble at this point but what u gonna do. Take the loss on the chin and have a nice lunch with the other half, or proceed to pump endless pound coins into the piece of filth and end up sleeping in the spare room tonight.

How did you guess, half an hour later get a mouthful from the bag and shes out of there leaving me wondering if ill have enough for the cab home when im finshed, i only went there with £400 but silly me i should know better, never take on a CLOT with less than a grand.

Im now in for fast approaching £200 its glowing like a chrstmas tree but is blocking for fun on £15s £25s and £35 , eventually get it again, flat. Wank stain. Recycle that plus another 50, loads more blocks on £35 before it goes £70, collect a bit of afters for loss of £170 coupled with the fact the bag aint talking to me, But at least i can thank the machine for that so i cant be too critical of it.

fuck

Lol, I guess you learnt your lesson there

If I was meeting my girlfriend in half an hour I wouldn't even take on a hilo, just not worth the hassle of it messing me around and then me looking stupid.

I know, no matter how much u try and educate the girls about what yr doing they couldnt care less, we might as well be talking a foreign language. "So what, u can higher an 11 or lower a 2." theyre not impressed at all.

Shit machine can only lead to these losses. good machines and you will make good money in the long run.

For heaven's sake! Isn't it patently obvious?

As standard, all fruit machines are fitted with software to make you look foolish when you least need to look foolish. There are two settings. The first, arcade setting, will make the machine play like a complete twat half an hour before last credits. You'll get involved as it takes the piss in style and go on tilt. They'll save it until 10am the next day, but invariably you'll stay up until 6am playing on line poker to win £5 profit after being £305 down. You'll feel elation at such a fantastic poker comeback, but then fall asleep delirious and delighted until 1pm by which time someone from Northampton will have popped in and scooped up all the value. That's the arcade chip. In actual fact you'll wake up at 9am, missus gone to work...actually subject for another thread......

Pub chip. Now this is so much more complex. It has hormonal detectors to detect when two people of the opposite sex may be about to meet. rather than pay a sweet quick jackpot, it'll pay a sweet quick jackpot and then spray some secret gas into your olfactory area to induce a twatty hand press. This will leave your brain thinking, what the flook happenned just then?
It's the old £250 all or nothing gamble on a B3. BLOOOOOP! You press it thinking you can only win as life isn't that cruel to make you lose and what the heck? It loses. How could you be so silly? A £250 win was your gateway out of there, £10 down and you could walk. FFS one safe outskirts hit and you're in the clear, now you're £260 down and barking up a random tree for the coconuts to drop.
Then of course there's the old pub 70% trade is on its arse, gotta make what you can % If you don't get the value out within a fiver then you're looking at a £200 loss at least and that's just on a dial.
I've had some bad sessions on 92% games and some evil sessions on 86% games and 82% games can be brutal.
When you take a hi-tech on for the long game, be it unintentional obviously, it's a 30% house edge bloodfest. +6% is so 2006.
It had your fingerprints and DNA. The machine had hired a private detective and knew exactly what was happenning. With the deadly twatty hand press gas secreted within a osmotically primed bulb in the horizon cab speakers, you were doomed.
The hard fact of the matter is this. To play fruit machines you need at least a month in your diary of pure nothingness. That way you'll be able to get the value out in 5 minutes and be back home to watch GMTV before you know it with no piss taking whatsoever.
Still on serious note, it's a lesson in +EV moves and CLOTs in relation to circumstance. You'll be thinking, if only that Casino Royale was on, I had the safest punt to get in the money, low risk, high gain. If only I had taken that jackpot. Hindsight. If only, If only I had taken that next jackpot, or the next.

Wise words after the event, we've all played things we know we shouldnt and become heavily invloved and past the point of no return at some stage. But your right i shouldnt even be touching this shite especially when ive got p1 dials around every corner, and more hi los than i can shake a stick at.

wise words i wish i had yr wisedom jg

p1s rund every corner/

No shame in how you played, hindsight is a wonderful thing. I'm as guilty as the next man as getting crazily involved at crazy times in crazy places.

No advice I can give on the woman. Totally impossible. Her block will be tighter than any block on CLOT. For a while anyway. No way around.

p1 dials?!?

How many times do you hear last orders, yet can't deny getting involved, thinking speeeeeeeed chase hehe!

90%OF CLOT'S HAVE THE NEW ,,,,,,,, (up your arse trying megaspins for 200 notes , i might offer you a 15quid win once if your dammm lucky, so you'll have to play me on 50p normal , then i'll fuck you about opening the safe forever , which i know you can gamble away but by the umpteenth time you'll get sick of that and start going for it resulting in loads of safe cash wins , before realising your knackered and wished you hadn't gone for me in the first place ) CHIP

I've come to the conclusion that Cop a Load of this are complete wank, which over 100 plays will not merit an acceptable average profit level, so I have decided to stop playing them....

I have nearly come to the same conclusion with indiana skulls and smash the cash, although they are just about keeping their heads above water... a few more filths though and they are going the same way....

I just find it extremely funny that you keep refering to your missus as "the bag".

Stopnstep wrote:I just find it extremely funny that you keep refering to your missus as "the bag".

Haha yeah....i'm giving my smash the cash another go today, still well up overall.