Fruit Machine Chat

im gonna share this with you lot of piss takers ,,,,,, do your worst bastards.

now as you all know , i leave the designer jeans at home for fear of coin ruination.
and slot in 3 quid asdas , for their deep pocket coin handling capacity .

Anyhows, today whilst out slotting brum outskirts ,,,,,,,,, i finish on a hi-lo and return to my car ,

now some turnip has parked next to me ,,,,, within a cpl of coats of paint, so theres nowt i can do but enter my car from the passenger side ,

so i do , and as im trying to shuffle over to my driving seat ,,,,,,RIP,,,,,, i split the asdas at the groin ,,,,, badly ,,,,,,,, oh shit , really badly .

(now at this point in the story , im gonna try to boast , and say jessica alba was walking by , and my huge manhood awoke and ripped them lol, nothing to do with the 3quid price tag , 400 bulging coins , and my fat thighs oohhh no)

anyhows , now im fucked , i cant drive home , its only 1pm , and besides i might not have enough petrol , and fuck getting out to fill up , , so what do i do , ?

so i drive to a secluded area and without daring to get out , wriggle to the back seats , wrench down seats , and grab g-star jacket out back , to tie round my waist ,

but the long rip is right down the front , so ive got to tie jacket back to front to cover the twins ,,,,,,, now it looks like im wearing a skirt , fuck ,

now no option but drive into brum centre , park near bullring , walk to bullring , all the time the wind is blowing round me harris, nervously hoping nobody is none the wiser, and catches a glimpse ,

ive made it to next ,,,,,, buy cheap 20quid jeans , try em on , keep em on , emergency over,

carried on slotting . phew what a day .

now come on own up , lets hear some more embarrassing situations .

lee :P

I've had a full pocket of coins split and go everywhere in a fire pub ops:

Oh and I remember once I went to the bar and asked for a dosh and pecks instead of a diet coke!!

That's my speciality!!!

Going to the bar, waiting ages to get served, your brain mushes and when you finally get served...

"...ohh err pint of dial please."

I've never had any splits bar the old shitty suit trouser pocket seams. Alas it wasn't a full blown split, more a minor one. When I counted up in a break, I felt sure I was about £20 light. On further examination a break in the seam virtually the same length as the diameter of a pound coin had formed. Chrsit knows how I hadn't felt any of the buggers falling down my legs or into my shoes or heard them, but it was a busy city centre. Someone must had had a free gold run that day.


".....and a packet of Cleudos please."

ripped a pair of shorts in similar fashion whilst playing footy in net... the bastards took a quick corner too... so theres me looking like a total ernie and with nothing i can do about it.

outside on my mobile ... said to my mate whilst looking at a seemingly obvious tramp... yes mate going into this fire pub now the dials unchipped everyone else is barred best get a bud to keep off the fire. several mins later the convo ends walk into the pub the tramp is the landlord.. bottle of bud mate ? errrrrmmmm yeah errrrr ok. do us a favour mate ... eeerrrrrrm yeah ... turn that machine off b4 you sit down somethings up with it... must be all that fire we keep having in the pub.


forget the bud mate just remembered my house is on fire gotta go.

he laughed tho... the dial went 2 days later.

lol that reminds me of sitting outside an arcade against a wall quite a few years ago with a mate waiting for the place to open. someone walked past and threw a 50p on the ground in front of us
we did'nt look fook all like any down and outs either!

red22 wrote:outside on my mobile ... said to my mate whilst looking at a seemingly obvious tramp... yes mate going into this fire pub now the dials unchipped everyone else is barred best get a bud to keep off the fire. several mins later the convo ends walk into the pub the tramp is the landlord.. bottle of bud mate ? errrrrmmmm yeah errrrr ok. do us a favour mate ... eeerrrrrrm yeah ... turn that machine off b4 you sit down somethings up with it... must be all that fire we keep having in the pub.


forget the bud mate just remembered my house is on fire gotta go.

he laughed tho... the dial went 2 days later.

This reminds me of the time I was in Bournemouth with my mate who is a well known London player, we were in this hot pub in the town centre doing an unchipped Arcadia, when we were taking the piss out of this bloke sitting at the bar who was a dead ringer for Michael Caine, things turned sour after more than a few SEU's, when he goes behind the bar and returns with something in a thin case...rest assured we didn't wait to see what it was!

sir ratholer wrote:I've had a full pocket of coins split and go everywhere in a fire pub ops:

Oh and I remember once I went to the bar and asked for a dosh and pecks instead of a diet coke!!

LOL - Ive done that a few times myself. Usually when your queing and theres people that look like they are going to play it and you just cant get served fast enough.

Only 1 thing stands out for me.
I pissed myself literally ops:
My own fault, needed a pee when I walked in the pub but the bar and Jailbirds where right at the entrance and the mens toilets where right at the back. (Big city centre boozer that's long rather than wide)
Jailbirds was looking lively then a couple of faces appeared by the bar sharking me so was completly stuck on it. Ended up about £80 into it before it dropped the £105 top but not long before I lost all feeling down below and pissed myself ops:
Not full on standing there pissing like just a couple of leaks before I could hold it again. But still bad enough.
Cost me £7 taxi from the rank to get straight home and changed ops:

haha gambo that is awesome...I had it the other night in a spoons, being watched was desperate for a piss had to hold it in...

I've had that before - nothing worse than almost doing the 'piss-dance' before you get a chance to get away...

I played in the world corporate games 7 a side footy for my work last year.

Arrived in Leeds on the Friday. Out all night - frequent trips to the toilet - really bad skits - like water.

So playing on the Saturday with a kind of half-clench thing going on.

We're 1-0 up with a min to go. Their boy fires a cross in and I dive full stretch to head it clear, using EVERY muscle in my body to make that dive, forgetting my half clench.

I dont think the rest needs to be told, you're all educated gentlemen.

Someone I dont know very well took me to a Villa match as a thank you for setting up his new office PC. I'd been slotting before & had 2 full pockets of coins. A little way into the match I noticed a couple of coins drop onto my shoe - damn had a hole in my pocket. So transfered all the coins to my last pocket. Unfortunately it couldnt take the strain & popped !! Middle of a Villa vs Liverpool match & my 100's of coins are pouring all over Villa Park ! To make matters worse I dont even support Villa (or Liverpool) & it was a piss poor match too (0-0).