Fruit Machine Chat

I'm really really bored, can anyone make me laff.

I'll kick it off

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip

why should you never wear russian underpants?

because Chernobyl fallout

Thought that was going to be a "Si Whodyanikabolokov" joke...

.................

Anyway, what do you call a chicken in a shell suit?


An egg!....


and on a similar theme,

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What did the number 0 say to the number 8??


Nice belt mate!

why didn't mexico send a team to the olympics?

because anyone who can run, jump or swim is already in the usa

This one made me laff because of the stupidity


How do you knock an old lady off a push bike?

Throw a fridge at her

Always love this one....apologies if you already know it

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre....so the barman gives her one!

Matt

My Mum got ma an easter cracker sort of thing.

What did the chick say when his mum laid an orange?
Look what marmalade

How many eggs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one if it comes wwith soldiers

theres a blue smartie sat in the pub terrorising all the locals , he goes up to a jelly baby sat in the corner and snarls , ''grrr who's the hardest in this pub'' , the jelly baby quivers and says , ''you are blue smartie, you are''. next he goes over to a mars bar and again asks the same question , ''who's the hardest in this pub '' , mars bar replies , '' of course its you blue smartie , no one can fight you '' , good the blue smartie says , as long as you all know , this carries on for a while until a piece of red tarmac walks in to the pub and starts throwing threats about, the blue smartie looks over , grabs his pint and goes and sits quietly in the corner, after a while the jelly baby goes over and says , ''whats up blue smartie , i thought you were the hardest of all of us , but you havent said a word since the red tarmac came in , are you scared of him'' , smartie replies , ''dam right im scared of him , he's a cycle path.

what do you do if an elephant comes through your window?

swim for your life

random stop wrote:theres a blue smartie sat in the pub terrorising all the locals , he goes up to a jelly baby sat in the corner and snarls , ''grrr who's the hardest in this pub'' , the jelly baby quivers and says , ''you are blue smartie, you are''. next he goes over to a mars bar and again asks the same question , ''who's the hardest in this pub '' , mars bar replies , '' of course its you blue smartie , no one can fight you '' , good the blue smartie says , as long as you all know , this carries on for a while until a piece of red tarmac walks in to the pub and starts throwing threats about, the blue smartie looks over , grabs his pint and goes and sits quietly in the corner, after a while the jelly baby goes over and says , ''whats up blue smartie , i thought you were the hardest of all of us , but you havent said a word since the red tarmac came in , are you scared of him'' , smartie replies , ''dam right im scared of him , he's a cycle path.

If only I'd read this sooner, I could have mentioned the Halls Soother that came in and started picking fights with anyone and everyone.

The Blue Smartie said to the Cycle Path, "I thought you were hard? Why won't you fight him?"...

"No chance" says the Cycle Path, "He's fucking menthol".

Woman in a restaurant trying to get the attention of the waiter by holding her hand up but she has a really hairy armpit so they ignore her, drunk bloke on the opposite table asks waiter for another drink and to get the ballerina one, how do you know she is a ballerina? says the waiter.Drunk bloke says no one else can get their foot that high...