A Tribute

barneybear · Post by **barneybear** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:16 pm

Hey all,

As som eof you know, and most dont, my daughter Lillian Isabella arrived on 6th May, with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. Unfortunately, after a hard fight for 10 days, and some precious moments, she passed away in my arms on 16th May.

I hope people dont mind, but I would like to share my Eulogy which I wrote in that days after her passing, and read at her funeral.

A truly heartbreaking time, and one that puts things into perspective.

Lillian Isabella Woolcock

Firstly, Thank you everybody for your attendance today and for all your love, prayers, and support for us and for our daughter Lillian. The kindness we’ve received from friends, family, medical professionals, and even strangers has truly given us the strength to endure and grow and smile these past weeks. I have been told on many occasions that Lillian has touched the lives of many people, many people whom we have never met.

Lillian Isabella arrived into the world on 6th May with a bit of a commotion to say the least. In the end, it took 16 hospital staff to delivery her safely, some 10 weeks earlier than planned. She flailed her arms around and got a quick cuddle with her mum before she had to be rushed away for ventilation. Shortly after I was allowed to go in and see her. The first thing I noticed was this steely determination behind her eyes. She didn't seem in any distress or discomfort, but more preparing herself for the fight that undoubtedly lay ahead. In that first brief meeting, she completely took my breath away.

Lillian would live for a little over 10 days. In that short, sweet time, she taught us much about herself.. She blew bubbles and scrunched her face up whilst she was trying to have a little cry, because she hated having her mouth care done. She didn't mind people stroking her to comfort her, but she clearly preferred the touch of her mother. She gripped our fingers with a passion and I was sure this was to let us know she hadn't given up on the fight. She was ticklish, especially in her little feet, just like her Leanne. Leanne formed an instant bond with Lil, I guess because they were like two peas from the same pod. Both unbelievably stubborn to say the least! Leanne was a shining example to the other mums on the unit. She would learn why the nurses were doing what they were doing, learn what all the number on Lillians screen meant. Other parents might stay for 15 or 20 minutes – one night Leanne sat by Lillian's side for 12 hours – if there was anyone that helped Lilly fight for those 10 days – it was Leanne.

For 10 days solid we sat with Lillian, talking to her, singing to her, completely in awe of such a brave, yet frail individual. On day one we were told that its was probable Lillian would not live through the night. But day after day, she continued to beat the odds, continued to fight back, and continued to sustain our hope that one day, we would be able to take her home with us. The fact that she made it to her operation was a miracle, but it was the operation which would reveal just how serious Lillian's condition was and the reality began to hit home that the fight might just be too much for Lil.

When we had only just got to say hello, we soon found ourselves preparing to say goodbye. On the night of the 16th May we made the decision no parent should have to. We just wanted all those wires to disappear, we wanted all this medication to stop, and we wanted to hold our baby while she went to sleep for the last time. She struggled, but she made no expression of pain or misery, and neither Leanne nor I will ever forget those last moments of her life as we held her in our arms and wept and consoled her with seemingly insufficient words.

They say it is better to have met your baby, than grieve for someone that you just imagine, and I couldn't agree more with that. throughout those precious 10 days Leanne and I were able to hold Lils hand, talk to her, catch her sneaking a cheeky glimpse of us, and change her nappy. So in that sense, we were the most privileged people in the world to have met our beautiful, courageous young lady. Our love for her and her love for us was not constrained by time, nor is it now, nor will it ever be. Our love knows no time constraints. Indeed, our love knows eternity, and because our love knows eternity, our love will overcome her death.

ninepleasenoel · Post by **ninepleasenoel** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:19 pm

i'm sure everyone that has read that will be truly moved, i was.i can only imagine the pain you're suffering.i lost my neice through something similar, my brother and sis in law were inconsolable.

i hope the days get easier for you mate.

mr lugsy · Post by **mr lugsy** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:26 pm

i can't think of anything worse than losing one of my children, that almost made me cry that did.

my sister lost a daughter 4yrs ago , stillborn when induced 10 days after she was due ,coincidently called lilly too.

deepest sincere condolences Barny, to you and Leanne

feeder22 · Post by **feeder22** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:28 pm

Can't comprehend what a horrid time your going through. Being a father myself was pretty touched reading that.
Hope time is a healer for you.

Scott · Post by **Scott** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 5:24 pm

God bless.

MrRed · Post by **MrRed** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:40 pm

Such a moving tribute Barney

Me and my wife lost a daughter 6 years ago
She was stillborn

18 months later we welcomed another beautifull daughter into the world
She turns 5 soon and she means the world to us

I hope in time, you both can have some happiness put back in your lives as we have

My thoughts are with you and Leanne at such a sad time
God bless you

Your tribute really is moving and brought tears to my eyes

betchrider · Post by **betchrider** » Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:07 pm

My son was 6 weeks prem and both he and mother were both nearly lost in childbirth. Thankfully on this occaision both pulled through. I hope you can find the strength and optimism to try for a little brother or sister for lil. I was crying reading that mate a beautiful piece of writing. Stay strong brother for your missus and yourself

maverick69 · Post by **maverick69** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:05 am

Words are not enough sometimes to console a person from what you must be going through the past few weeks. Your way with words really conveys your emotion towards the daughter you lost, i hope you and your wife will come out of this stronger , your daughters memory will always be with you. Although breif, i can tell from the way you write that you loved this child with all your heart. I hope you will be ok. Not very often am i moved to tears, but the emotion of your post has done this to me. Crying is a good release of tension, stay strong for Leanne. Time is a great healer and you will be stronger person for it. Im glad you shared this with us all. Take care mate.

ma71lda · Post by **ma71lda** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 9:18 am

Terribly sad story that is Barny and nobody should have to go through that.

My 3rd child (Hunter Moses) was born on the 4th May and I felt hard done by after learning he was suffering Hypospadias and will need an operation.

Your experience puts everything into perspective.

steelfix1 · Post by **steelfix1** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 9:38 am

My condolences, such a sad loss, god bless.

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 4:09 pm

we whinge n whine on here about losses on machines etc ,,,,,,,,,,,,, yet it all pales into insignificance when you read things like this

we have no right to moan about such trivial matters ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, we dont know the meaning of the word loss.

our hearts go out to you barn m8

barneybear · Post by **barneybear** » Fri Jun 15, 2012 11:06 pm

Wow....thanks so much all, your thoughts, experiences and words of condolence honestly mean so so much.

Let me know about the meet up in Blackpool, would love to come and share a beer with you lads and lasses.

Reading feedback in posts like that really gives this synic some optimism that we aint all that bad.

Love to you all x