Hi Guys, not sure if anyone is interested in participating, but thought it might lift spirts after a hard days grind if we had somewhere to post strange, funny and just plain stupid facebook statuses we stumble across while viewing friends/relatives walls. 4am Kebab rants, or just so weird it has to be passed on, that kind of thing.
Only Rule, status has to be Genuine, and not originaly post by you on f/b.
See what we get by 12pm today lol.
Facebook quotes, tell us.
-
betchrider
- Senior Member
- Posts: 4417
- Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2007 12:01 pm
Almost forgot to list the 1st lol.
Ok, this was mailed to me from a friend of a mate who I once drove somewhere. It is this what gave me the push to start this topic.
The original poster has normal privacy on, but I have been made aware there is at least 1, maybe 2 long standing members here that can varify this is genuine.
Status reads as follows.
I don't care HOW nice Lynx shower gel makes my ball sack smell, get that bastard stuff in your eye and its a 3 second, 1 way ticket to a grown man rocking in a corner shouting for a doctor your heads about to fall off. What the hell do they put in it, extract of malton Lava.
Need eye transplant, Can't breath., arms numb, this is it.,done by a fooking shower gel. Typical, die in the lamest way humanly possible.
So much for saving the world and croaking it a hero. NOOOOOOO, SNUFF IT WASHING ME BOLLOCKS.
Well, there out there go get them, and lift up what might have been a real bad day for someone on the bandits.
Ok, this was mailed to me from a friend of a mate who I once drove somewhere. It is this what gave me the push to start this topic.
The original poster has normal privacy on, but I have been made aware there is at least 1, maybe 2 long standing members here that can varify this is genuine.
Status reads as follows.
I don't care HOW nice Lynx shower gel makes my ball sack smell, get that bastard stuff in your eye and its a 3 second, 1 way ticket to a grown man rocking in a corner shouting for a doctor your heads about to fall off. What the hell do they put in it, extract of malton Lava.
Need eye transplant, Can't breath., arms numb, this is it.,done by a fooking shower gel. Typical, die in the lamest way humanly possible.
So much for saving the world and croaking it a hero. NOOOOOOO, SNUFF IT WASHING ME BOLLOCKS.
Well, there out there go get them, and lift up what might have been a real bad day for someone on the bandits.
Ok, this is going to die on it's butt, judging by the 1 post recieved lol,
Still, " going for a shit " has some strange charm to it when telling every 1 on your page I guess.
I'll have a mooch about later, there are some strange people out there that blunder their way into typing instant classics, and then want to delete them because their just too random lol
Still, " going for a shit " has some strange charm to it when telling every 1 on your page I guess.
I'll have a mooch about later, there are some strange people out there that blunder their way into typing instant classics, and then want to delete them because their just too random lol
This was on my mate's dads status update.
I new something special would happen on my birthday and it has !!! After 5 days of constipation my wife has had a poo ! yes the eagle has landed !She gave birth to a big brown bear at 1 pm . Thanks for all the good wishes - Anyone got any spare anusol ?
I new something special would happen on my birthday and it has !!! After 5 days of constipation my wife has had a poo ! yes the eagle has landed !She gave birth to a big brown bear at 1 pm . Thanks for all the good wishes - Anyone got any spare anusol ?
betchrider wrote:You go upto a bird and grab her quim and say "im gonna knock the fuck outta this" and see what happens
-
maverick69
- Senior Member
- Posts: 2227
- Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 4:08 pm
Kirsty Choppin i shit the bed AGAIN dis mornin :/ cnt keep doin it, the amount of washing powder ive gone through is unreal!, ive used up £20 of electricity aswell jus washin sheets!, ffs i really need to get a fuckin grip!! its discustingg!
condoms... ribbed for her pleasure! turn it inside out and its ribbed for my pleasure 
Have a shed load now, going to spread them out posting wise though, keep the thread going a while.
Status.
FREE LEGAL, mobile dongle upgreads. Upto 40% faster. This will not be released by T-Mobile for 8-12 weeks officially.
Shut down all open windows and remove dongle, take out sim then insert knuckle deep into your anus till confident of reception quality, simultaniously, hum God save the Queen whilst playing " my old mans a dustman " on your forehead with spoons.
*Holds NO liable claims for discomfort or brain trauma during upgreads*
Status.
FREE LEGAL, mobile dongle upgreads. Upto 40% faster. This will not be released by T-Mobile for 8-12 weeks officially.
Shut down all open windows and remove dongle, take out sim then insert knuckle deep into your anus till confident of reception quality, simultaniously, hum God save the Queen whilst playing " my old mans a dustman " on your forehead with spoons.
*Holds NO liable claims for discomfort or brain trauma during upgreads*
Have to ask, before I get a warning or something. If a Moderator or senior member can explain the limit on " reasonable language " whilst posting these. I want to keep them word for word if possible, but understand this is not an adult site so to say, there is no lower age restriction on members.
A p.m would do, just to clarify the level accepted.
Thanks.
A p.m would do, just to clarify the level accepted.
Thanks.
-
maverick69
- Senior Member
- Posts: 2227
- Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 4:08 pm
-
robb1e1978
- Junior Member
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2010 3:03 pm
Thinks my girlfriend is a complete fucking bellend where have you put my modern warfare 2 you shit head looks like your twighlight and new moon blu ray are going to work with me and staying there.
Cheers lord hutton you fucking prick I bet your pension is not changed I hope your house gets burgled and set on fire and you break your leg lets see what you think of the public sector then you complete ball bag.
How fucking rock and roll am I watching x factor that nicolo needs shooting with red hot dogshit and kicking square in the dick the cock.
Should have saved myself 2 hours and watched the last 5 minutes of x factor 2 hours of my life I will never get back thanks for that itv you fucking spunk bubble.
The last four posts by a friend of mine who's chosen career path happens to be.............a Police Officer!!!!!!
Cheers lord hutton you fucking prick I bet your pension is not changed I hope your house gets burgled and set on fire and you break your leg lets see what you think of the public sector then you complete ball bag.
How fucking rock and roll am I watching x factor that nicolo needs shooting with red hot dogshit and kicking square in the dick the cock.
Should have saved myself 2 hours and watched the last 5 minutes of x factor 2 hours of my life I will never get back thanks for that itv you fucking spunk bubble.
The last four posts by a friend of mine who's chosen career path happens to be.............a Police Officer!!!!!!
-
clarkey1984
- Senior Member
- Posts: 633
- Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:49 pm
My mate kats status just now.....
My boyfriend has this sick obsession with farting in my FUCKING face it's disgusting :@
Then my mate jo.....
Sucks cock for rock.
Inbetweenes inbeblarblarblar what the fuck ever. Get out. Do somthing.
Totally turban
Facebook you have genital warts
The crick family down west drive gardens in soham are a bunch of nobbers. Stupid inbreds...
Mate chris.....
is sure robert mugabe just presented the sport on anglia tonight
And finally, tim, he writes some funny stuff on there which is good, but he is honestly the funniest person i know, by a long way, he really should be on TV!
home after another long day in Norwich. Just for future reference, i hate Norwich and i hope it falls into the sea.
Friday night, be there or be put in the bin, i'm gonna be there, so if you're not you're a sex offender
"i make them good girls go fat"
what word shall i get into the klfm interview today, lets not forget i'm still the only person to ever get "quim" onto the pages of the Lynn News, i think im gonna go with... paedophile, cheryl baker, massive potato and make a reference to the tv show "due south"
Roberto DiMatteo, something disabled about his face.
look at that skank on X-factor, she looks like a total twat and speaks like a slef.
The Inbetweeners is fucking shit, its about as funny as Bradley Walsh. Get in the bin, if people want to actually watch something funny the Monty Python's "The Meaning Of Life" is on now. Get with it you bin hunters.
villa are shit, absolute spastics.
i look like a hostage circa 1991
These bloody business cards just cost me nearly £60 for 1000, dogshit.
vistaprint your website and whos interface is shit, i hope you get burnt by fire.
I'm listening to Trevor Smiths bass riffs, he knows at least two. I'm keeping myself entertained at the studio by writing my musical about the life and crimes of Harold Shipman.
If you're one of my friends, you should like my band, if you dont then i will kill you with fire. Hit the "Like" button or i will hunt you down and pan your head in.
Aids Burger
i dont remember the Matrix Reloaded having a massive porno-rave section??
sky man, can you hurry up and finish your HD install, the football is coming on soon and i think you are a total paedo.
Timmy Soft, now also endorsed by Michael Kelly Guitars. Wish it was Matthew Kelly of the "Stars in their eyes/you bet" paedo fame.
bank holidays are racist
Ribery off! that'll teach you, you dirty melty faced bastard
In my Flash Forward i saw myself wearing a turban, i was spooning honey into a pair of brown brogues. Has anyone else shared my Flash Forward?
i am the sultan of swing
dont eat the little legos
Yeah, i deleted a post, because i wanted too, got a problem, get in the bath.
everyone is a twat!
My boyfriend has this sick obsession with farting in my FUCKING face it's disgusting :@
Then my mate jo.....
Sucks cock for rock.
Inbetweenes inbeblarblarblar what the fuck ever. Get out. Do somthing.
Totally turban
Facebook you have genital warts
The crick family down west drive gardens in soham are a bunch of nobbers. Stupid inbreds...
Mate chris.....
is sure robert mugabe just presented the sport on anglia tonight
And finally, tim, he writes some funny stuff on there which is good, but he is honestly the funniest person i know, by a long way, he really should be on TV!
home after another long day in Norwich. Just for future reference, i hate Norwich and i hope it falls into the sea.
Friday night, be there or be put in the bin, i'm gonna be there, so if you're not you're a sex offender
"i make them good girls go fat"
what word shall i get into the klfm interview today, lets not forget i'm still the only person to ever get "quim" onto the pages of the Lynn News, i think im gonna go with... paedophile, cheryl baker, massive potato and make a reference to the tv show "due south"
Roberto DiMatteo, something disabled about his face.
look at that skank on X-factor, she looks like a total twat and speaks like a slef.
The Inbetweeners is fucking shit, its about as funny as Bradley Walsh. Get in the bin, if people want to actually watch something funny the Monty Python's "The Meaning Of Life" is on now. Get with it you bin hunters.
villa are shit, absolute spastics.
i look like a hostage circa 1991
These bloody business cards just cost me nearly £60 for 1000, dogshit.
vistaprint your website and whos interface is shit, i hope you get burnt by fire.
I'm listening to Trevor Smiths bass riffs, he knows at least two. I'm keeping myself entertained at the studio by writing my musical about the life and crimes of Harold Shipman.
If you're one of my friends, you should like my band, if you dont then i will kill you with fire. Hit the "Like" button or i will hunt you down and pan your head in.
Aids Burger
i dont remember the Matrix Reloaded having a massive porno-rave section??
sky man, can you hurry up and finish your HD install, the football is coming on soon and i think you are a total paedo.
Timmy Soft, now also endorsed by Michael Kelly Guitars. Wish it was Matthew Kelly of the "Stars in their eyes/you bet" paedo fame.
bank holidays are racist
Ribery off! that'll teach you, you dirty melty faced bastard
In my Flash Forward i saw myself wearing a turban, i was spooning honey into a pair of brown brogues. Has anyone else shared my Flash Forward?
i am the sultan of swing
dont eat the little legos
Yeah, i deleted a post, because i wanted too, got a problem, get in the bath.
everyone is a twat!
deano8177 wrote:When I rang him I asked if I could play any of the gaming machines and he said no cos they keep getting fiddled. Then I said I'd be down soon to watch the football, and that I was going to shit in his urinal.
thecannonball89 wrote:If you go out on a friday night to play a deadmans and end up going out up town having 5bags of heavly cut drugs end up in the brothel, and wake up feeling like shit on monday morning sitting out a p3 dial trying to make bk ur losses of a 5am roulette sesion, your probly a player
-
clarkey1984
- Senior Member
- Posts: 633
- Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2009 8:49 pm
Melanie Reeve: Cannot believe her daughter thought the song Cotten eyed Joe, said cock on my toe.. OH MY GOD still laughing.....
deano8177 wrote:When I rang him I asked if I could play any of the gaming machines and he said no cos they keep getting fiddled. Then I said I'd be down soon to watch the football, and that I was going to shit in his urinal.
thecannonball89 wrote:If you go out on a friday night to play a deadmans and end up going out up town having 5bags of heavly cut drugs end up in the brothel, and wake up feeling like shit on monday morning sitting out a p3 dial trying to make bk ur losses of a 5am roulette sesion, your probly a player