Best sickie excuses ever...

Cardinal Sin · Post by **Cardinal Sin** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 3:58 pm

Just a round-up of my favourite ones that my friends (or I) have used...

* I'm in the jail
* I've just found out my girlfriend had an abortion and didn't tell me
* I found a lump when I was having a shower this morning.
* The washing machine flooded and there's a guy coming out to fix it (this was a 2 day sickie)
* A bird shat on me on the way to work
* Cystitis

Anyone else got a good one?

darcle · Post by **darcle** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 4:03 pm

Someone at my old company called in and said she had painters round painting her window frames and had to wait for the paint to dry so that she could shut the windows.

Brings a new meaning to the expression "watching paint dry".

Cardinal Sin · Post by **Cardinal Sin** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 4:05 pm

not to mention "I've got the painters in"

darcle · Post by **darcle** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 4:06 pm

very true sir, although ive never heard that one?

Cardinal Sin · Post by **Cardinal Sin** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 4:09 pm

"I've got the painters and decorators in" is a euphanism for "Arsenal are playing at home this week", "rag week" or simply "on the blob".

Istenem · Post by **Istenem** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 4:10 pm

my postie once told me without any hint of irony:
"it's half term so everyone is off sick"

also schoolboy excuses: "my mum didn't have time to do my homework",
"i can't do PE today because i am too fat"

Texas Pete · Post by **Texas Pete** » Tue Jun 27, 2006 4:32 pm

An old mate of mine actually went to jail for just over a month, claimed his Grandad (who he was very close to) had died and he was off with depression. The company was never the wiser.....pretty low though

spa · Post by **spa** » Wed Jun 28, 2006 10:50 pm

Worker "I'm sick, can't come in today"
Boss "How sick are you?"
Worker "Well, i'm in bed with my sister"

An oldie but a classic

tirrylea · Post by **tirrylea** » Thu Jun 29, 2006 9:18 pm

minging,

One of the managers came into work still fucked from the night before last week (4pm) and couldn't do a thing, not quite a sickie but funny. He asked me to stay on and do his shift for him but i told him where to go, his brother came in in the end on his day off, he wasn't amused

mjd · Post by **mjd** » Thu Jun 29, 2006 11:03 pm

I like the 'Im in Jail' one!

JustAnotherClone · Post by **JustAnotherClone** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 8:42 am

I have told work that my girlfriend slipped over and hit her head which had meant i had been up all night at A&E and i needed to keep an eye on her

Car broke down? Good for a morning off :P

Fader · Post by **Fader** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 11:43 am

I think im actually gonna use the jail one lol - but is there any causes of being in jail that actually sounds good to the employer? id actually like to look shit hot hard aswell as having the day off?

Cardinal Sin · Post by **Cardinal Sin** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 11:54 am

My mate pulled that one out when he was at uni. He worked in a hardware shop at the weekend, and he just twanged the whole weekend without phoning in. Therefore, the jail sickie was perfect as an excuse cos he didn't want to waste his only phone call phoning up his work.

Car sickies are a beaut... for all you speccy-wearers, there's nothing better than the "I've broken / lost my glasses and don't have any spares. See you in a week"...

My other mate booked a week's holiday in Spain then found out he couldn't get the time off. He was planning on going on the holiday and phoning in sick from Spain every day... not sure how he was going to explain the lovely all over tan he got!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 2:07 pm

I usually use the 'I've been brushing up on my croquet at my country retreat' excuse.