Nil Satis wrote:I do have a very 'love-hate' relationship with ordinary punters - obviously I want them to play as much as they can and pump as much money in as they can but I just don't want them to be doing it when I want to play the game! The worst I've found are drippy couples where the guy will keep pumping money in to impress (?) his girlfriend, who always seems to want to play endless games of complete rubbish - Spot the Difference, Trivia for Dummies, Bling Bling, ...
Top Stereotype Spotting! "Drippy Couple"
What about:
The Proloner - a solatry animal, capable of surving on incredibly small amounts of liquid (usually consumed in halves). Rattles like a collection box as he leaves.
The Lads Night Out - usually grouped in 3's, sometimes more - aptitude in inverse proportion to pack size due to the random barking of A! B! C! by the lower ranking troop members. SWP plays a pivotal role in their life cycle: drink, drink, swp, drink, awp, drink, unsuccessfully seek sex, drink, fight.
Nuisance Kid(s) - rarely found at the watering hole but common in the socials clubs of The British Isles. Being of Low IQ prefers "skill" games shunned by more developed species (see Crystal Maze, Spot The Difference). Interestingly, lack of SWP prowess usually results in the over development of the 1-hour-pool-game faculty. (Closely related to but rarely seen together with Absentpop. See other related species: Singlemum, Bingomum)
Categories of bystanders' comments and actions will be a whole new topic I expect.
Here are a few student stereotypes (probably you will see similar kinds outside of universities, but these are the ones I see most often in the college bars).
A particular student stereotype is the Leech. Usually found mooching about near the quizzer. As soon as anyone puts 50p in, comes over and tries to be knowledgeable and helpful, or join in with the playing, depending on the type of game. When in a group of people, will play along with you until you suggest it might be his turn to pay, whereupon he will try and cadge a free game of pool/table football with someone instead.
Leeches often think they are very good at the games (even though their lack of regular wins suggest not), and seem to believe that following their directions is the only sensible way to play. Often become quite sour when you ignore their advice, especially if you are any good and can win the money a few games on the trot.
Another kind is the Swarm, which is a posse of from 4 to 12 players that can be found hogging the machine. These usually have within them a series of sub-types; some are the Leaders, they stand at the front and answer everything ignoring the others until they get stuck. There are also the Whoyagonnacalls, who don't say anything until everyone else is stuck then they casually reach forward and nonchalantly press the right answer, then look away disinterestedly. A third kind is OohOohPickMe, who usually is not a real member of the gang, but wishes he was: generally hyperactive, jumping around trying to get a better view, and itching to get an answer in a desperate attempt to win respect from the others and be promoted to Leader. Wants to help but doesn't know anything the Leaders don't know, so is always shouting out the answer just after they've already answered it, or is corrected/overruled by the Leaders.
Another type within the Swarm is the supposed Special-Subject guy, who is meant to know all about a certain area due to the nature of his degree (e.g. medicine, geography, biology), and so the rest of the Swarmites always call on him to answer ANY question on his topic even when it is very easy and everyone knows the answer.
The remaining members are either inanimate girlfriends of the others, or useless tag-alongs (often not related socially to the main gang, and may be in different yeargroups) who pretend not to be interested, but are clearly avidly following the proceedings, or are commenting to each other about how back in their day they used to always win the money all the time and the questions were much harder too.
Yet another type is the Exhibitionist, who is quite good (or very good) at a particular set of games, and often draws a small crowd when playing. Generally plays to the gallery, e.g. often unnecessarily explaining to his fans how a certain answer was deduced, or a trick question successfully negotiated, or why his tactics are good.
I am occasionally guilty of being one of these ops:
Without wishing to introduce a brand new stereotype - the Sycophant - this is one of the best and funniest threads I have ever seen on this or any other forum! It's just so true to (SWP) life! All in one morning as well.
Not sure what to call them ('Permission to Kill?' perhaps) but another stereotype, albeit a much rarer species thankfully, is the non-participants who are not satisfied just with (a) watching, usually without asking and (b) shouting out answers, 90% of the time either the wrong answer or the right one after you've already selected it. They add a third category of annoyance, i.e. actually reaching over and pressing the buttons (showing my age ) or touchscreen! The 50p they usually offer after losing you the game isn't normally much compensation. Grrrr...
As for me, I guess I'm a Proloner who drinks (when I've not got the car with me) - I've never found a few pints any hindrance and buying a pint or two stops you drawing attention to yourself I find.
Ernest W. Quality wrote:Yet another type is the Exhibitionist, who is quite good (or very good) at a particular set of games, and often draws a small crowd when playing.
Hmm yeah - Ernest and I have built up a mini cult following at some of the Cambs colleges, including the odd groupie girl, who makes appreciative swooning noises whenever I clear on WU (which most ppl have never seen being done) - 'tis very much appreciated!
Ernest W. Quality wrote:Generally plays to the gallery, e.g. often unnecessarily explaining to his fans how a certain answer was deduced, or a trick question successfully negotiated, or why his tactics are good.
The best conversation I had with an observer was:
fan: ah, so you do use the odd 3 letter word then, which means you're human like the rest of us!
me: Well in that case I'm afraid you would be *finds and inputs word in WU* D-E-L-U-D-E-D
The timing was so right and the delivery so smug that the observer was utterly at a loss for reply.
The Banditboy. Puts £20 note into itbox, plays two games of Millionaire very quickly and very badly then collects £19 to put into the fruits. After winning the bandit he tries his luck again on the SWP and plays 10 more games of Millionaire very slowly and very badly.
The Bingowingers. Normally found in chav pubs. A group of middle aged chainsmoking women who play constantly pissing their giro up the wall. The bingowingers prefer very basic games puzzle games like Fruitix and seem overjoyed when they collect 30% of what they put in.
The Encyclopedia. Always bearded, always smelly, always drinks real ale from his own silver mug. Only ever plays in one or two pubs and only ever plays one or two games which he has learnt off by heart. Always wins but always muttering about how the answers were wrong afterwards.
The Art Students. Smoke rollies, dress scruffily and play film or music games in groups of exactly three. Reasonably successful and play all evening without getting bored of the same game. Seem completely unaware that the machine has other games.
The bored barman: tends to be found in unpopular pubs, or during the mid-afternoon lull, when nobody is there, playing the machine endlessly, and probably spending his entire wage packet. After a couple of losses, goes back to shuffle glasses, muttering about how he will never play them again. Within 5 mins, back on the machine. Two sub-classes depending on reaction to good players bumming machine: 1) Angry, clearly no-one is allowed to win if he isn't 2) Admiring, happy that someone can play, gives him hope.
We seem to have found more of 2) than 1) but then I suppose we haven't ever walked out of a pub with more than about £30 max (usually much less, if any).
An emerging species: The SkillBingoBaller aka the 'Winger' (Presumably after winglets found under upper arms?).
Tattooed/Dungareed 'female', usually solitary, may be accompanied by a same sex 'friend', never collects - just hogs machine until all benefit money has been blown on making those pesky bingo balls bounce.
Plays the machine with his mate/girlfriend in an attempt to impress and look cool, by dominating them completely until they become merely bored bystanders, or worshipping groupies.
If play is successful, explains to the impress-ee why he is doing things a certain way. If unsuccessful, explains why he was very unlucky. Generally average standard or below, but puts in maximum effort to thinking aloud and showing off rather than thinking about what the right answer might be.
The imp will generally answer any question himself (correctly or otherwise) except on rare occasions when he belives mate/gf may have some specialist knowledge, in which case he asks them the question in his own way, explaining what he thinks about the potential answers himself. When mate/gf answers (correct or not), he will spend at least 5 seconds considering whether he agrees with their answer, no matter how convinced they are they are right. If they are right, then he claims the credit is mainly his for bringing them along, and formulating the question in such a way they could understand it. If they are wrong, he never asks them anything or listens to them ever again, even if they shout out the correct answer.
Gets very upset and arrogant when mate/gf attempt to become involved tactically in any way whatsoever beyond merely answering questions on request, particularly if they suggest "just guess", which he considers a heinous crime against reasoning. However, he will often do exactly that, but disguise it by making up some bullshit reason why he's guessing for A B or C.
Possesses an infinite number of pound coins. This probably comes from a habit of losing great amounts, so he will have made sure he has about £40 in coins before starting.
Eventually, after repeated failure, the machine decides to give him a gimme quid, which he celebrates as if he has just scored a backheeled volley from fifty yards into the top corner in the world cup final while simultaneously shagging Kate Moss's better looking younger sister.
He then spends the next 3 or 4 minutes giving an earnest lecture on how great he played to win that, and how things are going to get better, and then has to come up with reasons why he doesn't win when the prize level goes back to it's usual status of not-totally-piss.
In the case of a gf, the reaction is either naïvely adoring of his supposed brilliance, or bored into submission. Occasionally the gf will know more than him, and will shout out more correct answers before he has finished elaborating how best to tackle the question, at which point he will say the machine is clearly fucked, and suggest they sit down and have a drink.
If the Impress-ario senses that a genuinely good player might be in the vicinity, he will often become quiet, and turn into a Kamikaze (see below).
The alternative behaviour is to allow you to play, but watch what you are doing and explain to mate/gf how he would have done the same (if you win), and how he would have done the opposite (if you lose), but always after you have done it. If you are doing well then he may attempt to join in with you in some way, generally allowing you to do all the actual answering, but maintaining his "tactical" rôle of unnecessarily saying very obvious or wrong things out loud.
In this situation it is possible for a decent player to completely ruin his life, by acting as follows:
Answer all questions yourself quickly without speaking, but pretend you don't know what you are doing tactically in terms of subject choice, bonuses, proximity to prizes etc, and always ask advice on this after every single question. If a very easy sport/TV/music question comes up (easy enough so the imp's mate/gf will definitely know it, but not so easy that it is unbelievable you wouldn't know the answer yourself), then pretend not to know the answer, and ask them for advice. The imp will first attempt to explain why the obvious answer is right before telling you what it is, but his mate/gf will simply blurt out the right answer straight away, and you then accept that answer and press it while the imp is still in the middle of his lecture.
Even better is if you can spot a common thread to his reasoning in deducing an answer he doesn't know, and wait until a trick question comes along that he would get wrong, and ask him about it. When he's explained why the wrong answer is logically correct, say "Hmmm, sounds good. But what if it's a trick?". Then act worried and indecisive until there is one second left on the timer and pick the correct answer.
Kamikaze
This type of player is one to whom territory and pride are more important than financial ruin. If he senses you are waiting to play the machine, and that you might be good, then instead of allowing you to play, he will keep pumping quids in the hope that you will bugger off. Often this player is an Impress-ario, who may become a Kamikaze in order that you don't show him up as inferior in front of his mate/girlfriend. He will also stop his relentless yammering about how he knows the best way to play the machine, in case you overhear how much of a fraud he is.
Pretends he hasn't noticed you, but occasionally sneaks carefully disguised glances at you while pretending to look at his watch or phone or the TV screen.
Steadfastly refuses to stop throwing his money away until you leave.
Occasionally wins a gimme quid and makes a point of coming out of the game to press collect just so you can hear the noise so you know "he's winning", and then he puts it back in the machine.
If ever he runs out of money or is convinced to stop playing by his partner, he will watch you shiftily to see first if you are going to play, second, what game you are playing, and third, whether you are better than him at it. He will then fume silently and go to the bar for more change, and sit and wait for you to finish.
ops:
) or touchscreen! The 50p they usually offer after losing you the game isn't normally much compensation. Grrrr...
