SWP Stereotypes

Istenem · Post by **Istenem** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 2:48 pm

Walter Mitty. the pub's resident loner who spots someone playing a machine he dabbles with and comes to make friends. invariably very knowledgeable about everything except any right answers. e.g. on clearing WU: "yeah, it'll give you another grid now", when grid2 fails to materialise he'll say, "well it normally does."
switching across to 1vs100 and you reach the endgame: "ah well done mate, now you have to be really quick on this bit, don't choose the one in the top corner cos it'll kill you".
he is also something of an expert on hex appeal "yeah, i took a tenner out of that one last time i played it, here, let me show you how it's done."
but he wouldn't recommend bullseye because the questions are really hard on that "you're better off playing that buckaroo mate, you know, like that old board game". he also got a tenner last time out of cocks and throbbers: "you get it from them safes in the road".

Walter Mitty is a nice fella who seems convinced that he is helping, in a mercenary way he is by filling up the machine for next time. buy him off with a pint but check he's not there if you visit again.

grecian · Post by **grecian** » Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:20 pm

Loving your work here Isty

WaterGate · Post by **WaterGate** » Thu Oct 16, 2008 7:34 am

SWP

Tattooed/Dungareed 'female', usually solitary, may be accompanied by a same sex 'friend', never collects - just hogs machine until all benefit money has been blown on making those pesky bingo balls bounce.

That sounds like you've had that happen to you?

There is nothing worse than someone hogging a box that just plays the moronic games that last for ever.

: Ha, answers on a post car please!!!

cool · Post by **cool** » Thu Oct 16, 2008 11:02 am

the I KNOW THE RIGHT ANSWER AFTER YOUVE GOT IT WRONG.waits for you to hit the wrong answer then pounces with I could have told you it was a , b ,c etc. Easily solved.Let the time go down and ask them for an opinion before you select an answer.Normally a humbling experience for these dicks that is if they have a sufficient IQ to even recognise they are being humbled.

cp999 · Post by **cp999** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 10:40 am

The mentally retarded engineer:

Comes into to empty the machine, sees that nothing has gone into the coinbox over a two week period, assumes the machine is not popular with the punters, but doesn't consider checking the (broken) coin mech. Repeats this process for a couple of months before changing the "unpopular" machine.

and/or

Arrives to fix the half-broken touchscreen. Fiddles about with various settings at random, interspersed with occasional leafing through the manual. Has no idea what he's actually doing, but leaves after 15 minutes and pronounces it fixed.

civ77 · Post by **civ77** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 1:43 pm

The Ankle Biter

Most commonly found in family friendly pubs, post toddling, pre-teenaged children, displaying one or more of the following characteristics:

'Playing the machine' without the need for such formalities as putting money in, as endlessly scrolling through menu screens is free and provides an equal or greater level of entertainment as actually playing a game. Since this style of play eliminates the danger of running out of funds it is normally only ended by adult intervention, the length of time waited before acting on this matter can be judged by the formula below:

(Violence potential of parental unit attached to said child) multiplied by
(Benevolence towards children) divided by
(Drinks consumed x Desire to play)

Once having successfully comandeered the machine in the presence of an ankle biter the annoyances can include: being asked more questions by the child than the machine 'why did you do that', 'why don't you play this', 'will you be my new daddy' (OK so maybe not that last one); Attention is needed to fend off randomly stabbing chubby little child fingers, not aimed with any intentions of trying to answer a question just trying to join in the fun; should these difficulties be successfully overcome and a collectable prive be won the final hurdle comes when asked the sweet and innocent question of 'can I have a pound?' leaving you with the stark choice of seeming a heartless skinflint or a lollypop carrying member of the paedos-win-prizes club.

roberto la vigna · Post by **roberto la vigna** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:42 pm

An excellent contribution to the compendium, civ.

Nil Satis · Post by **Nil Satis** » Fri Oct 17, 2008 4:14 pm

While Take It Or Leave It was all the rage a wee ankle-biter reached up and touched the Gamesnet screen and selected 'Gamble' just as the last Continue/Gamble option flashed up, thereby reducing my hopefully 90:10 chance of winning nearly £20 on the final question to a 50:50 lucky guess, which naturally I lost. Now I'm not normally a violent man but we all have our limits...

WaterGate · Post by **WaterGate** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 12:28 pm

Istenem · Post by **Istenem** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 10:56 am

The chav out of his depth
typically stocky, wears ben sherman clothes, never seen without earphones in, only ever drinks foreign chemicals from green bottles, has a spurs, cardiff, portsmouth and/or west ham tattoo on his calf/forearm/neck... yes; he's a chav but he's lost because somebody is playing on his fruit machine/pool table. the chav plays very quickly but very recklessly. Seems to know his way around the menu but will only play £50 poker because someone on the estate had the brainwave to take a phone pic of the cards. the chav gets up to the first prize value pretty easily then loudly tsks and gives the bird to the machine when he loses. buys in more chips and immediately goes all-in with 2,7 os.
after bemoaning his rotten luck on the river, he has another outburst with unfocused but sustained aggression. then chavboy goes on to play STD or the big reds and either craps out on the questions or merrily eliminates all the boxes as quick as is possible, punctuated only by a loud "FACKIN CAAANT!" when the top value goes.

then he leaves the machine having spunked the giro in 20 minutes but not before swearing at the machine again and doing some half-hearted vandalism like pouring beer in the paytray or knocking over a chair.

Matt Vinyl · Post by **Matt Vinyl** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 12:42 pm

^---

Istenem · Post by **Istenem** » Mon May 24, 2010 10:59 am

one thing which really gets my dandruff is the kind of wide-boy berk who proprietarily use the SWP as a coathanger. not just hanging it on a corner but spreading their jacket out flat across the screen while they quaff stella, guffaw, swear oafishly and preen.

i guess these are a subset of the people who do not know how to use a pub: rugby fans nursing a half through 80 minutes with their legs in everybody's way, parents who wheel the pram in and let junior scream its out lungs for two hours, smokers who stand in the doorway, groups of middle-aged businessmen making no effort to move away from the bar etc. etc. etc.

JG · Post by JG » Mon May 24, 2010 11:14 am

which really gets etc my businessmen in dandruff is the kind of who use the as a . not not just subset nursing use hanging it on a corner 80 legs but spreading of etc. their out stand effort everybody's flat across the they quaff SWP, guffaw, swear and.

i guess these are a of the people who do know how to a pub: fans a half through minutes with their way, parents stella who wheel the pram in and let junior one etc. scream its out lungs for screen two coathanger hours, jacket smokers who while in the doorway, groups middle-aged thing wide-boy making no effort oafishly berk to move away from the proprietarily rugby bar preen .

JG edit: Sorry, I did wholeheartedlyish agree on your posting, although not sure on these Rugby fan creatures drinking halves, not sure I've seen them. Anyway as a form of modern art I decided to rearrange most of the words. The result is a splendid explosion of your psyche and is worth almost a million times more than your original posting.

Matt Vinyl · Post by **Matt Vinyl** » Mon May 24, 2010 11:49 am