Players Survey posted by 'arcade owner' answer honestly!
Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 5:38 pm
Hi, e-mail me if you need help on how to get the most from dimwitted customers.
Use link on the previous page, and I'll do my best to help you!
If you own an arcade, or did once, or have any humourous stories about the dregs of your addict-customers, the e-mail them to me and I'll publish them subject to suitability.
I'll also accept stories like mine about how you made your fortune from AWP ownership/operation.
Regards, SIMON
10 PROFIT MAKING TIPS!!!
SPOT THE ADDICT'S FAVOURITE MACHINES, AND POSITION THEM TOGETHER!! THEY'LL PLAY 2 AT ONCE AND LOSE MORE. IF THEY WIN, THEY'LL PUT IT IN THE OTHERS!!
ALWAYS 'RUN OUT OF NOTES' IF THEY WIN - AN ADDICT WILL PROBABLY LOSE THE COINS IN OTHER MACHINES.
DISABLE ALL ' AUTO-HOLD' FACILITIES - THESE SLOW DOWN PLAY CYCLES!
ALWAYS PROVIDE TOILETS/FAGS ETC. AS YOU SHOULD AVOID PLAYERS HAVING TO LEAVE THE ARCADE.
DECREASE PERCENTAGE SETTINGS ON GAME BOARD MACHINES, AS THESE HAVE SLOWER PLAY CYCLE.
NEVER LEND PLAYERS MONEY; TAKE THEIR EXPENSIVE POSSESSIONS ON A 'PAWNSHOP' BASIS, SELL BACK AT 50-100% MORE WHEN THEY GET CASH!
IF A PLAYER HAS GOOD INFO. AND SEEMS TO WIN, SWITCH POWER RING OFF WHEN A LARGE BANK, PAY PLAYER AND USE EXCUSE TO TURN MACHINE OFF.
LOG WHICH MACHINES PAYOUT THE BIG WITNESSED BANKS, AND CHANGE PERCENTAGES AFTER HOURS TO AVOID PLAYER FAMILIARITY.
CREATE 'SOCIAL' AREAS, SUCH AS JOINED PARTY-TIME STYLE MACHINES, AND 'PENSIONER' MACHINES IN ONE AREA.
PROVIDE COMFORTABLE SEATS/SNACKS/DRINKS ETC. - CREATE A 'HOME FROM HOME'.
MOST IMPORTANTLY.......
YOU WILL TAKE 90% OF YOUR PROFIT FROM ADDICTS/REGULARS. KEEP THEM HAPPY, DISCOURAGE TALK RELATING TO THEIR PROBLEM BY OTHERS. YOU NEED THEM, SO ENSURE THEIR PEACE OF MIND - IT GOES IN YOUR POCKET, AFTER ALL!! IF YOU GET A SMALL ARCADE IN A HALF-DECENT SITE, YOU SHOULD OWN YOUR CAR/HOME WITHIN 3 YEARS, OUTRIGHT. THESE PEOPLE ARE WAITING TO TIP THEIR CASH IN YOUR POCKETS, FOR FREE!!
*****PLAYERS SURVEY - PLAYERS SURVEY - PLAYERS SURVEY - PLAYERS SURVEY*****
Come on!! be a sport and do it for us!!!
1. You're in your local arcade one morning, when Paddy Mc.Phuck the local wino staggers in for a free coffee. An argument ensues and he ends up battering the attendant, an asylum-seeker-cum-student 'Scheisskopf'. DO YOU;
A, be politely British and ignore it
B, discreetly call the police on your mobile.
C, slip in a few kicks to Scheisskopf's ribs for being sad enough to work in an arcade.
D, help him find his teeth afterwards whilst quietly relieving him of his change-bag.
2. You've just emptied a mab Bar-x and a granny touches your bare arm 'for luck' DO YOU;
A, smile politely and try to hide you erection.
B, ignore her.
C. put an 'out of order' sign on your machine and nip in to the bog for a quick rasp.
D, quietly wish she'd go home and catch her silver muff in her Stannard stairlift.
3. The arcade hanger around has just lost his fortnights Giro in your 'Great Escape', so thinks he can watch you for the rest of the day. DO YOU;
A. Ignore him but feel quietly sorry for him.
B, Knock his teeth out.
C. Tell him to foxtrot-oscar.
D. Start chatting to him and become his 'best buddy'
4. You've just made ?150 in two hours, and you want to change it up. DO YOU;
A, call Scheisskopf the attendant over and say "oi, cuntchops I bet this is more than you earn in a month!"
B. Go and change it in the bank.
C, Go and lose it in 10 minutes in Ladbrokes.
D, Go and get pissed and have a few lines.
5. You've just streaked Monty Python when 'fat Flo with the b.o.' charges over and claims she was playing it but went for some change; DO YOU;
A. Diffuse the situation by asking her out and not turn up.
B. Tell her she needs to buy a new pair of black leggings instead of putting her income support in fruit machines.
C. Go red and slink off with your winnings.
D.Get beaten off by her halitosis and cede to her the machine.
6. You've got a hot date lined up, but you've just done your wages in a mazooma. DO YOU;
A. cancel it by feigning illness.
B. Turn up but blag her with a story about faulty cash-machines and say you'll pay next-time.
C. Admit you're a sad twat with no self-control and hope she'll feel pity for you.
D. Nick her purse in a busy pub and 'treat' her with the money whilst contriving sympathy.
7. You've got another date,and actually have some money. She nips to the bog for a piss and lipstick, so that seductively flashing RHA is now irresistible. She returns and sees you playing! DO YOU;
A. Say "I'll get more out of this than you, you ugly old coot"
B. Go red and stammer an excuse hoping she'll miss your obvious problem.
C. claim it's a bit of 'harmless fun' while you waited for her.
D. admit you are socially inadequate and relate more to machines than people.
8. You've now used up all your credit card limits, your overdrafts and spent your loans on fruities.DO YOU;
A. sell your valuables so you can win these thousands back!!(ha ha!)
B. feel sad and sick in the stomach and realise you need professional help/counselling.
C. just hang around and watch other people playing.
D. dream of knowing an mtr
9. You're just going into your local arcade when that 'gorgeous bird' at work catches your eye and sees you. On Monday, DO YOU;
A. claim you were dropping in on a pal that works there for a piss/coffee.
B. Boast that the arcade has paid for your G.T.I. in the car park(you know, the one owned by Lombard Finance)
C. Red-faced and embarrassed, avoid her for the next 2 weeks.
D. Admit that the place is your life and that you have no time for social interaction.
10. You've just done the pub Barboring for the ?45 on a Friday night. The table nearby with the four befuddled slappers has noticed you, and commented on your fortune.DO YOU;
A. sit down with them, get a round in and chat the best one up.
B. ignore them, put your lemonade down and leave.
C. put it all back in, lose a bit more and have an early night as you're skint 'til next Friday.
D. Using your winnings, tag along with them to the local club and bugger 1/2/3/all4 of them senseless later.
Please try to answer honestly, send your 10 answers here by E-Mail for a full report on your degree of addiction!:
SEND YOUR SURVEY ANSWERS!
Use link on the previous page, and I'll do my best to help you!
If you own an arcade, or did once, or have any humourous stories about the dregs of your addict-customers, the e-mail them to me and I'll publish them subject to suitability.
I'll also accept stories like mine about how you made your fortune from AWP ownership/operation.
Regards, SIMON
10 PROFIT MAKING TIPS!!!
SPOT THE ADDICT'S FAVOURITE MACHINES, AND POSITION THEM TOGETHER!! THEY'LL PLAY 2 AT ONCE AND LOSE MORE. IF THEY WIN, THEY'LL PUT IT IN THE OTHERS!!
ALWAYS 'RUN OUT OF NOTES' IF THEY WIN - AN ADDICT WILL PROBABLY LOSE THE COINS IN OTHER MACHINES.
DISABLE ALL ' AUTO-HOLD' FACILITIES - THESE SLOW DOWN PLAY CYCLES!
ALWAYS PROVIDE TOILETS/FAGS ETC. AS YOU SHOULD AVOID PLAYERS HAVING TO LEAVE THE ARCADE.
DECREASE PERCENTAGE SETTINGS ON GAME BOARD MACHINES, AS THESE HAVE SLOWER PLAY CYCLE.
NEVER LEND PLAYERS MONEY; TAKE THEIR EXPENSIVE POSSESSIONS ON A 'PAWNSHOP' BASIS, SELL BACK AT 50-100% MORE WHEN THEY GET CASH!
IF A PLAYER HAS GOOD INFO. AND SEEMS TO WIN, SWITCH POWER RING OFF WHEN A LARGE BANK, PAY PLAYER AND USE EXCUSE TO TURN MACHINE OFF.
LOG WHICH MACHINES PAYOUT THE BIG WITNESSED BANKS, AND CHANGE PERCENTAGES AFTER HOURS TO AVOID PLAYER FAMILIARITY.
CREATE 'SOCIAL' AREAS, SUCH AS JOINED PARTY-TIME STYLE MACHINES, AND 'PENSIONER' MACHINES IN ONE AREA.
PROVIDE COMFORTABLE SEATS/SNACKS/DRINKS ETC. - CREATE A 'HOME FROM HOME'.
MOST IMPORTANTLY.......
YOU WILL TAKE 90% OF YOUR PROFIT FROM ADDICTS/REGULARS. KEEP THEM HAPPY, DISCOURAGE TALK RELATING TO THEIR PROBLEM BY OTHERS. YOU NEED THEM, SO ENSURE THEIR PEACE OF MIND - IT GOES IN YOUR POCKET, AFTER ALL!! IF YOU GET A SMALL ARCADE IN A HALF-DECENT SITE, YOU SHOULD OWN YOUR CAR/HOME WITHIN 3 YEARS, OUTRIGHT. THESE PEOPLE ARE WAITING TO TIP THEIR CASH IN YOUR POCKETS, FOR FREE!!
*****PLAYERS SURVEY - PLAYERS SURVEY - PLAYERS SURVEY - PLAYERS SURVEY*****
Come on!! be a sport and do it for us!!!
1. You're in your local arcade one morning, when Paddy Mc.Phuck the local wino staggers in for a free coffee. An argument ensues and he ends up battering the attendant, an asylum-seeker-cum-student 'Scheisskopf'. DO YOU;
A, be politely British and ignore it
B, discreetly call the police on your mobile.
C, slip in a few kicks to Scheisskopf's ribs for being sad enough to work in an arcade.
D, help him find his teeth afterwards whilst quietly relieving him of his change-bag.
2. You've just emptied a mab Bar-x and a granny touches your bare arm 'for luck' DO YOU;
A, smile politely and try to hide you erection.
B, ignore her.
C. put an 'out of order' sign on your machine and nip in to the bog for a quick rasp.
D, quietly wish she'd go home and catch her silver muff in her Stannard stairlift.
3. The arcade hanger around has just lost his fortnights Giro in your 'Great Escape', so thinks he can watch you for the rest of the day. DO YOU;
A. Ignore him but feel quietly sorry for him.
B, Knock his teeth out.
C. Tell him to foxtrot-oscar.
D. Start chatting to him and become his 'best buddy'
4. You've just made ?150 in two hours, and you want to change it up. DO YOU;
A, call Scheisskopf the attendant over and say "oi, cuntchops I bet this is more than you earn in a month!"
B. Go and change it in the bank.
C, Go and lose it in 10 minutes in Ladbrokes.
D, Go and get pissed and have a few lines.
5. You've just streaked Monty Python when 'fat Flo with the b.o.' charges over and claims she was playing it but went for some change; DO YOU;
A. Diffuse the situation by asking her out and not turn up.
B. Tell her she needs to buy a new pair of black leggings instead of putting her income support in fruit machines.
C. Go red and slink off with your winnings.
D.Get beaten off by her halitosis and cede to her the machine.
6. You've got a hot date lined up, but you've just done your wages in a mazooma. DO YOU;
A. cancel it by feigning illness.
B. Turn up but blag her with a story about faulty cash-machines and say you'll pay next-time.
C. Admit you're a sad twat with no self-control and hope she'll feel pity for you.
D. Nick her purse in a busy pub and 'treat' her with the money whilst contriving sympathy.
7. You've got another date,and actually have some money. She nips to the bog for a piss and lipstick, so that seductively flashing RHA is now irresistible. She returns and sees you playing! DO YOU;
A. Say "I'll get more out of this than you, you ugly old coot"
B. Go red and stammer an excuse hoping she'll miss your obvious problem.
C. claim it's a bit of 'harmless fun' while you waited for her.
D. admit you are socially inadequate and relate more to machines than people.
8. You've now used up all your credit card limits, your overdrafts and spent your loans on fruities.DO YOU;
A. sell your valuables so you can win these thousands back!!(ha ha!)
B. feel sad and sick in the stomach and realise you need professional help/counselling.
C. just hang around and watch other people playing.
D. dream of knowing an mtr
9. You're just going into your local arcade when that 'gorgeous bird' at work catches your eye and sees you. On Monday, DO YOU;
A. claim you were dropping in on a pal that works there for a piss/coffee.
B. Boast that the arcade has paid for your G.T.I. in the car park(you know, the one owned by Lombard Finance)
C. Red-faced and embarrassed, avoid her for the next 2 weeks.
D. Admit that the place is your life and that you have no time for social interaction.
10. You've just done the pub Barboring for the ?45 on a Friday night. The table nearby with the four befuddled slappers has noticed you, and commented on your fortune.DO YOU;
A. sit down with them, get a round in and chat the best one up.
B. ignore them, put your lemonade down and leave.
C. put it all back in, lose a bit more and have an early night as you're skint 'til next Friday.
D. Using your winnings, tag along with them to the local club and bugger 1/2/3/all4 of them senseless later.
Please try to answer honestly, send your 10 answers here by E-Mail for a full report on your degree of addiction!:
SEND YOUR SURVEY ANSWERS!
