Wonder who it could be!
Matt
Imitation is flattery?
Imitation is flattery?
Apparently so. If you look on arcadia under the post called King Kerching, someone has cheekily copied my thread from the other day here, and pasted it over there. Word for word an all.
Wonder who it could be!
Matt
Wonder who it could be!
Matt
"Sixty percent of the time, it works, every time!"
Time for revenge.
Hmmm. Over Two Grand in this section sixteen and not one £500 pot. £2/spin and not one win in excess of £25! Might as well have played the smaller machines. This is absolutely ridiculous.
"Errrm, excuse me!"
The cheap labour foreign student floor staff member walked on, oblivious to pretty much anything.
"<<AHEM>> <<PHLEGM>> ERRR EXCUSE ME!"
"Uh?" it squawked with bizarre upward intonation. £2K in a flippin' section slitheen and you didn't even get speaky English.
"Excuse me. I have just put over £2000 in this coin operated random <<PHLEGM>> gizmo and to be honest, I am not amused. I would like the key to the cashbox."
"What?" it squawked with incredulity.
I was not taken aback. It squawked "what?" in its kooky accent to pretty much any request for the advertised free beverages or change of paper tender into metal based tender or vice versa. It seemed immersed in its own world of foreign things, different humour. It smiled and giggled with the other kooky one over by the coffee machine.
"The key. The key to the cashbox. I need the key."
"The Kwai?"
"No the key. I've lost a considerable sum of money and they usually let me have the key whenever this happens."
"What kay?"
"THE key!" I gesticulated wildly at the offending lock and gave it a kick to illustrate my point.
"A Coo?"
"No. Oh for fuck's sake. The key - the KEY. K-E-Y. I need to get in there."
"You cannot get in there."
"I know. That is why I need the key."
"It is loaked (phonetic)"
"I know. I KNOW. Can I have the key?"
"I do not have kay"
"Look. Is Danny the engineer on today?"
"uh?"
"Danny"
"Don knee?"
"DANNY. D-A-N-N-Y"
"He not here."
"He normally works Tuesdays."
"He not here."
"I saw him ten minutes ago walking into the cash office."
"He not here."
"Psssst" I let off steam as the offending immigrant walked away.
"IS TONY HERE? TONY? EXCUSE ME? IS HE ON TODAY" I bellowed at the retreating Oompa Loompa but it was to no avail.
At that moment Tony walked in with his box of tricks.
"Alright George how's it going?"
"Terrible mate, terrible. Over 2K down. I've been asking for the key but to no avail."
"The kwai?"
"What? No. NO. The key to the cashbox."
"What do you want that for?"
"It's just I've put..."
"Oh have a day off George, I'm pulling your leg. I'll just get you the key."
With that I waited and waited. Where had Tony gone? The foreign one came back.
"Would you like drunk?"
"Yes a coffee please."
"Swarfee?"
"Oh no. Some orange squash."
"Arno ranjsqoosh."
"ah fuck's sake - water. W-A-T-E-R"
"Arfushakeworter?"
I was just about to plug myself into the mains when Tony came back looking apologetic.
"Sorry about that. The key isn't actually on site at the moment. I rang Jimmy Thomas and he just said use a chair to smash it up and get your money back that way."
"Nah better not. It'd make a dreadful mess."
"Ah go on. It'll give me something to do tomorrow. I really respect customers who smash up machines so I have to fit new glasses and decals and microswitches to knackered buttons. It makes my life as a fruit machine engineer so much more fulfilling."
"Look if it's all the same with you I'd rather not. I mean it's a bit uncouth and yobbish isn't it?"
"OK fair enough. Next time you're in we're sort you out a few grand on a 100% match play promotion. You stick in two grand and we'll bung another two grand in."
"Ok. That sounds great. Well I'll be off - oh I'm a little bit thirsty. Could I have a glass of water 'on the rocks' with a slice of lemon before I go?"
Tony's demeanour changed suddenly. I'd crossed the line between rational demands for keys and insane requests for exquisite beverages.
"No you couldn't. Who am I? Tom Cruise? Fuck off asking for poncy glasses of water or I'll call the police."
"Sorry that was out of line."
"Yes it was."
"Can I? Is that chair or the free play offe.."
"...no it isn't. I think you'd better leave and you'll stick £10 in for £10 like everyone else."
"Of course. Sorry. Bye now."
"Twat"
Hmmm. Over Two Grand in this section sixteen and not one £500 pot. £2/spin and not one win in excess of £25! Might as well have played the smaller machines. This is absolutely ridiculous.
"Errrm, excuse me!"
The cheap labour foreign student floor staff member walked on, oblivious to pretty much anything.
"<<AHEM>> <<PHLEGM>> ERRR EXCUSE ME!"
"Uh?" it squawked with bizarre upward intonation. £2K in a flippin' section slitheen and you didn't even get speaky English.
"Excuse me. I have just put over £2000 in this coin operated random <<PHLEGM>> gizmo and to be honest, I am not amused. I would like the key to the cashbox."
"What?" it squawked with incredulity.
I was not taken aback. It squawked "what?" in its kooky accent to pretty much any request for the advertised free beverages or change of paper tender into metal based tender or vice versa. It seemed immersed in its own world of foreign things, different humour. It smiled and giggled with the other kooky one over by the coffee machine.
"The key. The key to the cashbox. I need the key."
"The Kwai?"
"No the key. I've lost a considerable sum of money and they usually let me have the key whenever this happens."
"What kay?"
"THE key!" I gesticulated wildly at the offending lock and gave it a kick to illustrate my point.
"A Coo?"
"No. Oh for fuck's sake. The key - the KEY. K-E-Y. I need to get in there."
"You cannot get in there."
"I know. That is why I need the key."
"It is loaked (phonetic)"
"I know. I KNOW. Can I have the key?"
"I do not have kay"
"Look. Is Danny the engineer on today?"
"uh?"
"Danny"
"Don knee?"
"DANNY. D-A-N-N-Y"
"He not here."
"He normally works Tuesdays."
"He not here."
"I saw him ten minutes ago walking into the cash office."
"He not here."
"Psssst" I let off steam as the offending immigrant walked away.
"IS TONY HERE? TONY? EXCUSE ME? IS HE ON TODAY" I bellowed at the retreating Oompa Loompa but it was to no avail.
At that moment Tony walked in with his box of tricks.
"Alright George how's it going?"
"Terrible mate, terrible. Over 2K down. I've been asking for the key but to no avail."
"The kwai?"
"What? No. NO. The key to the cashbox."
"What do you want that for?"
"It's just I've put..."
"Oh have a day off George, I'm pulling your leg. I'll just get you the key."
With that I waited and waited. Where had Tony gone? The foreign one came back.
"Would you like drunk?"
"Yes a coffee please."
"Swarfee?"
"Oh no. Some orange squash."
"Arno ranjsqoosh."
"ah fuck's sake - water. W-A-T-E-R"
"Arfushakeworter?"
I was just about to plug myself into the mains when Tony came back looking apologetic.
"Sorry about that. The key isn't actually on site at the moment. I rang Jimmy Thomas and he just said use a chair to smash it up and get your money back that way."
"Nah better not. It'd make a dreadful mess."
"Ah go on. It'll give me something to do tomorrow. I really respect customers who smash up machines so I have to fit new glasses and decals and microswitches to knackered buttons. It makes my life as a fruit machine engineer so much more fulfilling."
"Look if it's all the same with you I'd rather not. I mean it's a bit uncouth and yobbish isn't it?"
"OK fair enough. Next time you're in we're sort you out a few grand on a 100% match play promotion. You stick in two grand and we'll bung another two grand in."
"Ok. That sounds great. Well I'll be off - oh I'm a little bit thirsty. Could I have a glass of water 'on the rocks' with a slice of lemon before I go?"
Tony's demeanour changed suddenly. I'd crossed the line between rational demands for keys and insane requests for exquisite beverages.
"No you couldn't. Who am I? Tom Cruise? Fuck off asking for poncy glasses of water or I'll call the police."
"Sorry that was out of line."
"Yes it was."
"Can I? Is that chair or the free play offe.."
"...no it isn't. I think you'd better leave and you'll stick £10 in for £10 like everyone else."
"Of course. Sorry. Bye now."
"Twat"