Sanity deprivation and the missing flex

JG · Post by JG » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:13 am

Alice and the Mad Hatter.

It's one of these QPS/Reflex style abominations.

Now I'm a mostly laid back kind of guy. If someone cuts me up I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, rather than chasing them down and killing them. If I get bad service I'll be British and polite so as to not cause any distress to the minimum wage employee. I like to relax and listen to ambient music whilst staring at beautiful countryside as the winter sun sets low on the horizon highlighting the barren fields of our pleasant land with an aspect that creates redolent sentiments as despite the passing of life our pastures stay strong VVVVVRRRRRRRPPPPPPP! <<scratchy DJ record noise>>

So here I am. Chilled out. End of the run. One services with a smattering of only just playable playables. I walk into the area to change some coins up and see if there's any low hanging fruit. Well there's more bubbles than a jacuzzi so forget any sneaky float top ups, let's get these coins changed. A punter is ramming pounds down the back of an Alice and The Mad Hatter. I question why not build up Ridye's GG £21 cashpot instead? But nowt as queer as folk.

Ok I'm leaving and this random chap is leaving. Logic dictates I should carry on leaving. But I don't. Let me explain.

I have a Jail Break in a local pub. If it gets punted and I can hear it's full, I often have a couple of boards on 25p and pay for a couple of drinks by taking value. 25p gives you a 1/4 suggested chance to spin the reels which always brings in at least one number. On this Alice, there is no such precursor, just a reel spin that often brings nothing on 25p and 50p and always a number on £1.

Now I've tried this Alice variant for a board in pubs before and it always takes £10-£20 to just keep going down the snakes or onto payoff for £1.

Tonight I am getting a board. I mean it's full and I've heard a good nifty drop in the box.

So on 25p. Getting about one number every £2. £20 in and just a couple of snakes, no feature.
Sod it, £1 stake. Snakes and one payoff.
£55 in and no board.
Back down to 25p. £7.25 of credit for a number.
£65 aggregate in and I decide to sack it.

At this point every fibre in my being wanted to take a claw hammer and smash it to pieces. Shatter every piece of glass with that ugly gaudy artwork that belongs to a horror film of a sub low budget naff genre not a charming children's novel from yesteryear. I wanted to force open the cash door and see that cheap shitty wood splinter. Nothing would be left as I'd smash the fucking EPROMs and every mother f*cking PCB in that c*nting thing.
However there were three other people in the gaming area and the WHSmiths girl was just going beep on the beeper. So in the interests of not creating a scene, I let the girl leave and then switched it off and took the power cord with me. In other words, providing a public service.

Now I don't particularly like Jail Break etc. It's a shit machine, with shit graphics and ok sounds that you may win some pin money on if it has been munted. I know this game has cashpots etc and it's not an exact clone, but obviously this trail bollocks is the only big idea these shit companies have and Alice and The Mad Hatter is either getting emptied or it's utter filth.

Just my take on this game.

feeder22 · Post by **feeder22** » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:37 am

Frankley?

JG · Post by JG » Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:48 am

Frankley my dear, I don't give a damn

You can't do that with any other services can you?

Baldock my dear, I don't give a damn
Pease Pottage my dear, I don't give a damn

Yes it was skankley services. Hopefully it is still off.

Oscar · Post by **Oscar** » Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:14 am

So basically what you are saying George is that your experience of the machine left you feeling the same as a casual punter would if he played a P2 Alien, for example, for a board after it had been done.

I'm also guessing that the 'sense of unknown' you may have experienced as you played a machine you are unfamiliar with left you feeling as though you were 10 again, down your local arcade playing machines you were a bit out of your depth with.

An ambient music fan eh?

Youtube Alchemy of the heart by Andrew Forrest, or Held Together By Gravity by Carbon Based Life Forms. Give either one a listen and i'm sure your anguish will dissipate soon enough.

feeder22 · Post by **feeder22** » Thu Jan 23, 2014 1:42 am

Yeah it's still off.

BFK · Post by **BFK** » Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:04 am

£93 to get a board the first time I played it.........

And the last.

trayhop123 · Post by **trayhop123** » Fri Jan 24, 2014 12:33 am

get some headphones on , turn the lights off , close your eyes and listen to 'she moves through the fair' by loreena mckennitt ,,,,,,,,,,,totally mesmerised

JG · Post by JG » Fri Jan 24, 2014 1:51 am

Cheers Oscar and Lee, when I decide on some new headphones, I'll give those tracks a listen.