Fruit Machine Chat

Surely i cant be the only one who gets pissed off with firstly knowing more about the machines that the staff in the local hotspots.
The worst line i was given was when i was owed money in a arcade went to the cashier and was told they didnt have any pound coins to refill the machine.
In the same fine establishment they have once told me on a hopper jam that they didnt have the keys to open the machines.

Fed up of this bull shit and thinking of going militant on all the staff whos with me

I was playing a perfect in a spoons in Swindon......manager comes over and tells me there is something wrong with the electricity and all machines have to go off.....as soon I question her as to what is wrong she gets all defensive and all hell brakes loose......I was in liskeard once visiting a mate came across an arcade with working Ziggy and cabin,panther dial rocket money top geezer set of wheel of wealths and a single player wealth....all was fine for the 1st few visits then the attendant sheepishly walks over too me and says you have to be a member and I have to leave....to which I reply 'or I could just become a member' she then stretches her head an says 'oh yea' and offers me a drink then never comes back with a members form....needless too say those machines where pretty much all gone about a month or 2 later

ive been thrown out for knowing what im doing, ive been banned for being local and ive also been banned for not being a local. Ive had all that bull shit where they say you need a pass to use these facicilites which are clearly open to the public.
the amount of times workers have said that the manager doesnt like me in the arcade so ive asked to speak to the manager and then they have said they are the manager, come on you fools dont discriminate the player if it wasnt for us your machines would cycle as fast as they do.
A personla favourite of mine is how many times the plug has been switched on me ive alson had the so called electricity problem and the machines have to be switched off.

ive been thrown out for knowing what im doing, ive been banned for being local and ive also been banned for not being a local. Ive had all that bull shit where they say you need a pass to use these facicilites which are clearly open to the public.
the amount of times workers have said that the manager doesnt like me in the arcade so ive asked to speak to the manager and then they have said they are the manager, come on you fools dont discriminate the player if it wasnt for us your machines would cycle as fast as they do.
A personla favourite of mine is how many times the plug has been switched on me ive alson had the so called electricity problem and the machines have to be switched off.

your in swindon im close to that area presently inbox me if you want to chat

I'm good....thanks for the offer though

what a friendly guy ha ha good luck pal

Swindon So Fresh!!!

Yeah good area!

ill have to take a trip up there then im not in swindon but not far away thanks for the tip

I walk into an arcade that ive never been into before at roughly 2pm
'' im sorry your going to have to leave as were closing'' ,
I haven't put a pound in just had a glance at the shit they had to play
''what about the other people in here'',
'' there ok to stay'',
there was nothing in there to play anyway and I was double parked so I didn't care but how do they expect to get new customers.

Earliest closing I know is Bilston Quicksilver, 3pm Sunday. Might be later now.

It sounds like the sort of claptrap that the humourless granny attendent may try in order to 'diplomatically' get you to leave.
I know EXACTLY the bone idle prejudiced staff member you are dealing with there.

Basically

1) The arcade is a clique hole for various harmless doddery fucks to come and dribble over the 10p Party Times and spend all day drinking low quality tea and moaning about the doctor hasn't put any zopiclone on their prescription, all for a £2 spend for the day. This is perfectly acceptable and obviously a cornerstone of any successful business.

2) As the staff won't have been given any formal training, they will have to rely on their wit to detect 'scammers'.

3) A 'scammer' is anyone under the age of 50 who walks in and is not dribbling. Don't think that because you're in your late 30s, with a bit of a gut and some grey hairs and glasses and pictures of your kids on your phone that you're off the hook. Nope you need to be 100% dribbly and doddery to get some humility and biscuits.

4) This post isn't ageist by the way, it's just highlighting the sort of individual who IS allowed to freely congregate in these places. Some old people are great! Just redressing the balance there, I don't want the EDL (elderly defence league) protesting against me.

5) Should you be 'lucky' enough to be left alone, by left alone I mean constantly stared at in the most hostile manner imaginable by the old witch then REMEMBER THIS GOLDEN RULE THAT I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU....

6) Do not under any circumstances gamble for big money. Don't start sessioning Pure Pots on £2 spins. DO NOT DO IT! Anyone with more than £20 in their wallet who hasn't popped in every day for the last 20 years WILL be UP TO SOMETHING! Also it is the law that after putting £2000 in for £500 you will be asked a fuckwittish question such as "DO you win on these every time then?" closely followed by "You're not from around here are you?" or that old chestnut....

Hold on, this one needs a number of it's own, it's going to be number 7, but I'll count it in as it's used in shitty clique holes up and down the country...here we go...a one.....a two......a one two three four....

7) "IIIIIIII HAVEN'T SEEN you IN HERE BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Listen chap, if by now you don't feel thoroughly intimidated for spending £2000 to win £500 you are a honey badger and that's ok as David Attenborough will be standing next to the £5 Golden Games, with no working bulbs in, taking pictures of your hair. I mean it's a cloody cheek. For one, the lovely old witch now has to fill in some paperwork. I mean it's like getting your name and then asking you to sign then she has to sign and file it in the office. You've got a fucking cheek pal, move along now. Then if it's not hand pay as the float is only £48 (an average acceptable float for any B3 in a shithole) she'll have to refill it. THE FUCKING HARDSHIP! Her job description is only making piss poor tea and intimidating you! Naughty you creating all this EXTRA WORK! HOW VERY DARE YOU! GET OUT NOW!

9) Don't attempt facile small talk with a smile. Even the most hearty "It's a little bit cold outside isn't it?" accompanied by a cheery chuckle will be met with a FUCKING IGNORANT BLANK OF BLANKS and a COLD ICY STARE.

10) Don't park on double yellows or even double park as you're obviously about to rob the place and THE POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY WE ARE NOW CLOSED! And how can you even afford to drive a car? You must be a criminal. I've been embittered all my life and I've got this mobility scooter to show for it. Jog on fellow.

11) Lastly, remember it's not a museum. You can't muse over the various machiens and choose which one to play at leisure. Oh no as you are magnetising them all with your eyes, so they pay out later. No. Quick. Choose. Now.
I WILL FOLLOW YOU AROUND STANDING ABOUT 3CM BEHIND YOUR HEELS. DO NOT BUMP INTO ME OR MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME AS IT WILL BE A SOUL DESTROYING EXPERIENCE FOR YOU. DON'T CHECK THE POTS ON THAT POTS OF GOLD.

12) All wins over £3 must be verified by a staff member. All wins over £10 must be verified by a policeman.

13) Oh for the pubs and the heat of the landlord. Oh to hanker after the implied violence, the bitter depressed mopey snipiness of the locals who insist they are just speaking their mind (Only joking O) oh to hanker after THAT sort of heat. The old witch wins again. Psychological games. Expertly played. I wonder how toolers fare in such establishments.

14) Where was it ming if I may be so pertinent as to ask?

15) Chances are I've been there.

16) Unless it's in Scotland

17) Or some of the places up North.

I once went to an arcade and played a TIOLI, went to collect and it started chucking out coins before alarming with a strange tamper error. The staff member working there turned it off and back on again but the same error came up before the bank was displayed so to be honest I didn't have an idea of what the thing actually owed me (As I had already started putting the coins in my pocket).

I was advised to come back the week after when the engineer had visited, fair enough I suppose.

Went back and got asked how much it owed me, 'probably about 20 quid' and the so called 'manager' refused to deal with me as I didn't have a specific figure! Told me to come back tomorrow as she would have to contact head office to ask if she could pay me, surprise surprise went back the next day and she was 'ill'. What a load of crap!

Needless to say that arcade...a Quicksilvers surprise surprise...has now lost my custom and my money which was probably worth a lot more than the 20 odd quid owed.

Also off the top of my head...

Was invited to stop playing a machine in a Spoons by the bouncers as the manager had contacted them and told them he needed to switch all the machines off due to them all having a fault. I ignored them as my machine was playing fine (Believe it or not it was only a DOND Platinum!). I eventually got thrown out but not before dealing £30 odd quid in front of their face!

A Smith and Jones having an electrical problem and the electrical engineer working downstairs in the basement - on Christmas Eve! Funny how the televisions and the like still worked it just seemed to affect the fruit machines I was in close vicinity too. Now shut down in a bit of a karma moment!

Also been invited to leave a Spoons before as the female manager had heard of 'lots of scams' recently and I have just managed to jackpot 2/3 of the fruit machines (This was mainly luck back in those days rather than methods for me!). I apparently looked very suspicious as I was committing the crime of the year by having a bag with me and using my mobile telephone.

You should have blended in by being completely naked, playing the machine with fresh air and NOT having a mobile phone anywhere on your person.