Fruit Machine Chat

Here's one I overheard recently whilst taking a dump in the toilet in a town pub.

Male No.1 - Alright Bruv, ows it goin?
Male No.2 - Sweet Bruv, yous?
Male No.1 - Yeah, safe as fuck mate, safe as fuck.
Male No.2 - Respect Bruv, laters yeah.
Male No.1 - Laters.

Lovely isn't it?

Who was it who said the art of conversation is dead?

Yes, I hate that kind of talk.

Another thing I don't get is that "nigger" is for use between black people and "bruv" is normally used between whites.

So if I said "nigger" in front of a group of black, I might be in a spot of bother. But if a black man said "bruv" in front of a group of whites then nothing is said.

Why?

I have a black mate in Eastbourne that calls me "nigger" and it's quite confusing as to what my reply should be.

Alright mate or alright pal would be my reply. Pretty universal tbh

People that use swear words as punctuation annoy me.

But my biggest pet hate is people who over use the word 'like'. I hear 'You know' alot in conversation, usually as a substitute for 'err...'. I think alot of people do it subconsciously, I do from time to time.

All this 'safe bruv' bollocks is just for kids with limited intelligence, from low income families. They think it's cool to speak and act like a black person, whereas most normal people find it abhorrent.

I don't mind when my black mates call me their "nigga", it's just a term of affection Jord. I wouldn't liken it to "bruv", which is a casual and easily slung out term, it's more like "brother" which is a more genuine term.

If a black man went up to a group of white men and lead with the term "brother" he'd probably get a few funny looks at the least.

If your black friends come out with too much black talk do you usually give it the black talk back? If you don't then I wouldn't say "nigga" is the best place to start.

Leicester is like full of this kind of shizzle my nizzle.

Apart from calling me nigger, he doesn't really use that much black talk.
But when I was in Ladbrokes and he grabbed my shoulders and half shouted "nigger", I was more concerned that people who'd heard it thought it was me speaking to him.

I suppose it's all about speech evolution in the long run.

There was an old black and White film on years ago and three or four chaps were in a drawing room drinking sherry and smoking.
One was standing against the fireplace and put his hand up to his head and wobbled before dropping his glass in the hearth.
"Charles?" asked one of the others sitting in an armchair. "Charles, what on earth is the matter man?"

"Oh I . . . . I . . I've come over all queer....!"

Now such a statement might mean something else these days.

...

The little villages were I live and around me overuse the word 'like' and 'who'. Some are a lot worse than others.

Who usualy go at the end of every sentance and like is just in anywere it wants to be, iv heard a mate I went to school with say 'who like who' as a sentance, what's that about like who?

All that nigger and brov stuff is a load of gayness. Maybe because no one says it here. I would say 'you alright mate' or 'alright like?'. But then again you guys will probably think that not right because of diffrent areas we live in like who!

The little villages were I live and around me overuse the word 'like' and 'who'. Some are a lot worse than others.

Who usualy go at the end of every sentance and like is just in anywere it wants to be, iv heard a mate I went to school with say 'who like who' as a sentance, what's that about like who?

All that nigger and brov stuff is a load of gayness. Maybe because no one says it here. I would say 'you alright mate' or 'alright like?'. But then again you guys will probably think that not right because of diffrent areas we live in like who!

Gay=happy

Clever guy here's a gold star, arnt you top of the class.

Fanks x

We also use the word gay as if something isn't good are not right. I'm not saying that gay men are good the above. Like if I ask a mate to come out for a drink and he replies he's staying in with a girlfriend I might reply just saying 'gay' and hang up. Then tell my mate are scott isn't coming out he's being gay. Hard to explain but I don't meen he's being gay and cheating on his lass with a man. But in your case you probably will be shagging a man.