Bell-end Barman

Master of Games · Post by **Master of Games** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 11:25 am

I resorted to pouring my J2O all over the pub after this cunt of a barman stood there watching me put £10 in a dead Cluedo which was clearly being done... I walked to the Star Wars and the cunt says, "I don't want you playing my machines"... "I don't think they're YOUR machines and I don't think I like your attitude since I just lost £10 in the other machine!" I replied. "I know what you do, this is my pub and you're not playing my machines." Says the cunt. "Fine, stick your pub and your drink up your arse then you fucking prick!" No one said a word as I poured the drink all over the carpet, tables and then threw the bottle on the floor (pity there was too much carpet for it to smash). He followed me outside as I got into my car and said, "Don't come back, you're barred!" As if I would, fucking knob. Down the road there was an ESB - only got 2 hits before I was identified as "the bloke who came in last week and ripped the fruit off"... idiots...

titchno1 · Post by **titchno1** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 11:50 am

Nothing worse than being talked to like a piece of shit in front of a pub full of people! I found a new monopoly last night and its in the door way, its not even in the same room as the bar. That's how they should all be, no heat at all! Before that I had a terminator take the piss was on 25 cash stack and 25 safe cash, oh yes lost 25 safe cash and auto spit! I should of plugged but was right in front of the bar! Resulted in a £50 loss. Shit times.

Master of Games · Post by **Master of Games** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 11:54 am

Those Terminators are so shit, I was glad Red stopped making clones because they'd all be like that complete waste of machinery.

liverpool24 · Post by **liverpool24** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:01 pm

If you're interested in taking this gripping anecdote to the big screen I have it on good authority that Jason Statham would be VERY interested.

titchno1 · Post by **titchno1** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:04 pm

Deffo not the best of machines! I also went in for a stc and a punter was taking the game and. A cuplle of boards later had all the features red and it was on a 12 went up to the next exchange thing which resulted in a top! I was sick just wasn't my day realy.

Master of Games · Post by **Master of Games** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 12:05 pm

Imagine the trailer... J.S. with a Bottle of J2O in his hand... for the movie we'll make the bottle actually smash... will bring in more millions than Fernando "Judas" Torres did to Liverpool!

deano8177 · Post by **deano8177** » Sat Apr 23, 2011 5:47 pm

Master of Games wrote:Imagine the trailer... J.S. with a Bottle of J2O in his hand... for the movie we'll make the bottle actually smash... will bring in more millions than Fernando "Judas" Torres did to Liverpool!

Well that ain't gona be hard to make more than that cunt is worth.

You can play the barman if you want

2 down for the melons · Sun Apr 24, 2011 1:28 am

deano8177 wrote:
Master of Games wrote:Imagine the trailer... J.S. with a Bottle of J2O in his hand... for the movie we'll make the bottle actually smash... will bring in more millions than Fernando "Judas" Torres did to Liverpool!

You can play the barman if you want

Made me chuckle

streakseims · Post by **streakseims** » Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:51 am

I had a new one today

Put £45 in and it naturally hit a £70 and going for the 2nd and landlord says (after ive put £20 back in)

"Gotta turn it off as I need to empty it for change I will need tonight"

I reply "ive got plenty of £1 coins if you need change?"

he says " I need 20ps and 50ps aswell so gotta turn it off"

My reply "ive got plenty of change in my car il get it for you"

he now says "F**king finish your credits or il turn it off now"

Me: "so basicly your in a huff because I got a JP?"

him: "No just get off it now"

so i finish my credits and he instantly gets his phone out and makes a call (they answer literally after 1 second?) and he says "bring the keys up for the machine" and then (supposedly) hangs up

20 mins I waited and no sign of they keys and I found it very strange that the other machine in there was left on with a lad playin that.

Didnt know they give keys to landlords to "empty the machine" lol
Amazing that he thought by lying would help and when questioned he resorted to bad launguage and stuttering.

Captain.Tattybojangles · Sun Apr 24, 2011 3:25 am

Should have sidled back to the bar and said "No keys, eh?" lol

sir ratholer · Post by **sir ratholer** » Sun Apr 24, 2011 7:14 am

And you left the fruit when he asked you?

No way.

streakseims · Post by **streakseims** » Sun Apr 24, 2011 10:10 am

how could i keep playing it? it was just me and the pub had aload of locals in.

Not to worried as the other person who works there has never give any probs so will go back today/tomoz and get it then.

if im proper banned then Il pass it on

Master of Games · Post by **Master of Games** » Sun Apr 24, 2011 11:14 am

I suppose all the bar-cunts could say its "their" place (or machine in the case of the twat I had a run-in with) and they can choose who does or doesn't play. They can also use that old, "The machines are for our locals, we don't mind losing as long as another local/regular wins the money that comes out of the machine not some cunt who comes in to take their money.... "

We're good at what we do, we've learned to play the games better than the usual people who play them and we're not doing anything wrong. They have as much opportunity as we do to learn what we learned, if they don't apply themselves to it like we have, that's their problem. Its pretty harsh when you think every other field people excell at they get respect, sportsmen, professionals... we get put in a different catergory - probably the same as burglars, shoplifters and muggers.

jeffvickers · Post by **jeffvickers** » Sun Apr 24, 2011 12:50 pm

Try handing 2 winning tickets in a fire pub on a freshy Juicy Lucy!

LordOoze · Post by **LordOoze** » Sun Apr 24, 2011 1:30 pm

Unwritten rules for pubs with regards to playing the fruit machines.

(1) Mgr reserves right to refuse to allow anyone on the machine.
(2) Player must accept that he/she may not get the money that has been won but not paid out and that they must wait until we feel like paying.
(3) We reserve the right to maintain that we know nothing and we know that something dodgy is going on because we have reliable contacts in the industry.
(4) At any time the mgr may use the 'locals' clause without defining the either (i) distance from pub to your house, (ii) period of time for you to drink in the establishment to qualify for local status, and, (iii) number of hours per day/week to also achieve the aforementioned status.
(5) Anyone who consistently wins (or seems to) shall be barred unless they are a 'local' and spends most of the winnings either at the bar or back in the unit.
(6) If you are not a local and you win the jp then you must have only put a few pounds in. It is not possible to put >£40 in a machine within 5 minutes. This is also from a high source in the industry.
(7) If we say we have no pound coins this does not imply that we can then change your coins for notes.
(

If we have no notes this does not imply we can give you change.

Fruit Machine Chat

Bell-end Barman

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