Incredibly rough pubs - held needed

JG · Post by JG » Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:01 pm

I have the following machines to play tomorrow.

This is on the route and basically takes me around Houv, Bedworth, Nuneaton, Exhall, Chelmsley Wood, Castle Brom, Erdington, Lozells down to one in the middle of nowhere (not that bad - just cliquey) and back over to Holbrooks.

Cluedo *2 (inc clone)
Hall of Fame *2
Can U Dig it *3 (inc clone)
Star Wars NH *2 (inc clones)
Invincible £35 *1
Happy Campers £35 *2 (not town centre one)
DonD Wiyb £35(p3) *1 and £25(!) *1 (may not play this one as reels out of sync)
Honey Money u/c *1
Cash up £15 *1 (old ACE/Jape like a p3 Caesers, not the 'orrible p7)
Getting Ziggy With it (£5) u/c *1
Double DonD *12 (ok joking)
Pink Panther £35 *1
Indy Ark £35*1 £70*1 (nice chip)
Dead Man's Treasure*4 (and clones)
Juice *1(*3)
The Amazing u/c *3
Finish off at a Bootylicious in an Ember Inns to wind down and chill out (if still alive)

Now there are 30 hits and when I do this route, you have a seriously good chance of hitting the K with ease. It's an all dayer and I mean serious full doors to doors all dayer and then some. I'm not suggesting we play all of these but let me describe the average pub, bar the Ember Inns and about four of them which are okish.

They are all full of angrily intoxicated hardcore BNP crack heads with 40" biceps and a roid rage affliction. They all carry 6"+ blades and have an average of 1.45 Staffordshire Blue Bull terriers tied around things in the pub. In case you haven't heard of the Staffy Blue, it is about twice as large as a standard Staffy and about fifty million times more aggressive. It is the killer bee canine equivalent. They will start on you for nothing, just like their owners.
You never park in the pub car park because 100% guarantee if you're not regular you will get all your windows done, tyres slashed and everything nicked from your car, quite often the chassis even, which they sell for scrap or use to meltdown and make very sharp weapons or drinks.
Any females in there will have a similar physical form to the males, except they could crush your ribs in between their tits and they all carry firearms. They are slightly less hairy than the males, but only just.
Communication is not done by words, it's done by manly bellows, aggressive stares and violence, ie one stab for no and two stabs for NO and multiple stabs for 'you've crossed the line there mate'.
The landlords are all at least 7' tall and posess double barrelled shotguns. Anyone ordering soft drinks will be murdered instantly. The softest drink in there is a Smith Bolter and Black which is a 3 to 1 to five to 6:2 mix of 12% export strength bollock ale, firewater, half a litre of Absinthe to each ml of oxygen and ten tons of explosive.
The doors are all made out of 12" thick toughened steel and can be remotely locked. You could jump out the windows if there were any, but they are full of concrete.
If the management are feeling generous, they will pop you in the body bag themselves to save time.
Anyone winning anything on the fruit machine or pressing the nudge shuffle button on their way in before ordering half a coke will be blown up with high powered explosives.

Anyhow, I thought I'd get that route done tomorrow, but I would like some back up. Anyone up for it? I'll drive if you want, but I'll be leaving my car on my driveway as it's the safest place for it. Any takers?
Lee? Sir Ratholer? Anyone? Silent G?

It's not that I'm scared, it's just nice to have someone to chat with, you know, have a bit of a chin wag when you're being glassed from all angles.

Anyone?

sir ratholer · Post by **sir ratholer** » Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:32 pm

Sounds a good laugh! I wish I could but I'm
spending the day with the wife tomorrow.

As far as advice goes, hmmm, well living near Medway I find myself in similar circumstances on a regular basis!

I tend to just treat the place like my own home for a start. I'm
also lucky in that, whilst I'm well educated and can hold a good conversation with people of an upper social strata, I can also make myself a complete pikey should I wish to.

Never dress smart for a route, and since I shaved my head and acquired a few tattoos, then the amount of barrings I've had has hugely decreased. I play in the roughest of pubs and rarely get bother, it's usually the nice ones where I get jammed!

jeffvickers · Post by **jeffvickers** » Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:43 pm

I've been too busy with Kylie to come I'm afraid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq0e17dy ... re=related

silent g · Post by **silent g** » Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:50 pm

if it was closer i would deffo do it mate

i live near dartford in kent and its about 140 miles up there lol.
we shall meet soon tho

moterwayplayer · Post by **moterwayplayer** » Sat Sep 25, 2010 11:32 pm

come pick us up then pal ill come

PMK · Post by **PMK** » Sat Sep 25, 2010 11:51 pm

Tony from oxford just text me. He's done the whole lot anyway.

Tony from Oxford covers every machine in the uk 24/7!!

silent g · Post by **silent g** » Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:24 am

PMK wrote:Tony from oxford just text me. He's done the whole lot anyway.

Tony from Oxford covers every machine in the uk 24/7!!

tony the tiger ?

PMK · Post by **PMK** » Sun Sep 26, 2010 12:58 pm

He's the grrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaaaatest player in the uk. Or at least that's what he'll tell you!!

harry2 · Post by **harry2** » Sun Sep 26, 2010 2:04 pm

I've been to that pub, after the motor got nicked, I bought a chieftain tank and parked it acroos the entrance so no-one could get in or out. The local yoof had trouble trying to slash the tracks.

Another great post from JG, there.

betchrider · Post by **betchrider** » Sun Sep 26, 2010 6:30 pm

I'd go in any dump. Not saying I'd like it but I'd be in anywhere

sir ratholer · Post by **sir ratholer** » Sun Sep 26, 2010 7:39 pm

betchrider wrote:I'd go in any dump. Not saying I'd like it but I'd be in anywhere

yeah I'm pretty much like that. It takes a seriously bad place for me to draw the line.

Did once this week tho, a shithole in a notoriously bad Kent town, was
out checking.

Walked in and realised this was not a place I wanted to be in, even with a lucky lep showing on the number reel. My 6th sense was rewarded when as I walked out I got almost headbutted by a guy demanding to know, whilst face to face with me, why I walked in and out of the pub. Hitting wild thing wouldnt have been enjoyable in there! And no doubt, with the law of the sod, I'd have got a huge icons board when I don't actually really
want one!!!

betchrider · Post by **betchrider** » Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:12 pm

fruits are usually flying in dumps cos a lot daren't go in!

moterwayplayer · Post by **moterwayplayer** » Mon Sep 27, 2010 12:50 am

fancy sharing the wealth sir rath what pub was it pal

logopolis · Post by **logopolis** » Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:15 am

PMK wrote:Tony from oxford just text me. He's done the whole lot anyway.

Tony from Oxford covers every machine in the uk 24/7!!

Good old Blackers!!! Graduate of Wymondham High School!

999329753 · Post by **999329753** » Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:48 am

Is that the same tony with the hoisty jeans and big nose??