Fruit Machine Chat

mine would have to be slight banging noises

people that dont thank you for giving way in a car.

liar's too, i hate people who lie for no reason. eg. my brothers divvy mates say "i found this phone" then a week later when they want to sell it they say "i payed £xx for it" twats.

ronald macdonald pisses me off too. hes such a smarmy looking chunt!

sticky buttons on a fruit.

the volume control on my virgin media box stopped working so i have to use the tv controller .

dog shit on the pavement

people who say "i wont be late" then are 45min late.

ginger cats.

ducks that give you evil looks.

nike rifs wtf! and those socks that have separate parts for each toe.

cracked cups/mugs.

alan cars voice or any twat who sounds the same.

AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL !!! FUCKING HATE IT THE MOST !!!

i dont want to be here all night so im gonna stop here.

dislike - smashed up b3's

like with a passion - Heidi Montag (oh yeah)

Being woken up for no reason, whether day or night

People who think they're better than they are

Getting home to find there is nothing decent in the fridge

Long journeys on dry trains on a saturday, meaning you can't have a drink

The sort of 10000 bpm shit music that kids listen to these days, on the dry train, without earphones, so you're forced to listen to it as you sip your bottle of water.

Ladybirds

Spending 30 minutes preparing a decent meal only for my sisters newfoundland to steal it off the side, when I turn my back, and then look at me as though she's done nothing wrong

Women who can't complete a sentence without swearing

Rabbits, they're not cute. They think anything and everything is a monster ready to eat them, and as a defense mechanism they eat their own shit.

The frightful state of the Tube on a weekend. When it is very busy anyway, and they engineer off large parts of it. Can't it be done at night?

Alarm clocks, not because they go off once and wake me up, but my brother sets his 3 times in the same morning, and waking up 3 times is not my cup of tea.

But MOST MOST of all! People who think they are cool and in fashion, when wearing farmer hats, tight cowboy shirts, plimsolls and tight jeans. Especially the ones with the holes in them so they can think "Yeah, i live a rugged life, tripped in a pothole after drinking an alcopop", the horrible music they put on, R&B shit or the latest douche-beard with an acoustic guitar talking about how his girl left him cos his cock was too big, the way they try and ridicule you for all of this and make you look like a pillock, without half knowing the more eventful life we have splitting from the norm, not spending every saturday looking round the chain stores for more cowboy shirts, then maybe to the cinema for the latest bad Rom-com, and then alcopops in the evening or dare I say it, a house party...the fuck is that all about, hate em lol If you want to get drunk why not go out to the pub and do it there! where was I, the ridiculing. Especially the way they still think fruit machines are one arm bandits haha. One of these farmer hat types has his family run a pub, but they've got a CYC in it! bastards. Would teach em a lesson if it were something emptyable

Farting in bed, then trying to stuff your girlfriend's head under the duvet only for her to escape and run out of the room.

Sky TV when there's something you really want to watch, only for a message on the screen to say "No satelite signal is being received".

People who walk with a fake limp - as if they have a stone in their shoe.


And when you tell someone that you make money on fruit machines, only for them to say that you scam the things.

The bastard slugs that ate all my strawberries last year.

Been-Grant-Mitchell'd! wrote:Farting in bed, then trying to stuff your girlfriend's head under the duvet only for her to escape and run out of the room.

Sky TV when there's something you really want to watch, only for a message on the screen to say "No satelite signal is being received".

People who walk with a fake limp - as if they have a stone in their shoe.


And when you tell someone that you make money on fruit machines, only for them to say that you scam the things.

The bastard slugs that ate all my strawberries last year.

Sorry, but I can seriously see Victor Meldrew having a rant on that subject!!

bullying, racists, and bullshitting bullshitters that bullshit about how much they make and never ever lose .

racists , really get on my tits ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, because my indian m8 bik would die for me,

seriously , what has the colour of somebody's skin got to do with life ,

a man's honour and dignity ,,,,,,,, thats what matter



people who chase just the money , and dont see the bigger picture.


i was fetching the car quite a few months back , to pick up tracy , mr lugsy , scot , bik from our leicester spoons , when some twat tried to tap up bik for a few quid (because bik is about 4ft9) ,,,,,,,,,, scott just banged him out ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, thats loyalty that money cant buy.


dirty coin mechs.
landlords and pub regulars that dont see what we put in , only what we take out.

im just generally pissed off tonight .


and most recently the fuckwit jobsworths at kfc , 40 yards opposite my flat .

they have known me as a semi regular for 2 years ,,,,,,,,,,,,, i often walk over in my slippers and get served at the drive through hatch .

but they refuse to serve anyone there now on foot , without a car ,,,,,,,, since apparently they were held up at gunpoint.

even though they can clearly see my car from the hatch and clearly read my reg.

and ive offered to show em my id,,,,,,,,, and im in my slippers ffs

and it would be just as easy to brandish a gun from a car window wouldn't it ? ,,,,,,, ffs and make a quicker getaway in a car .

but no ,,,,,,,, ive still gotta change my shoes , grab my car keys , and drive 25 metres or so , to get served by the jobsworths twats , then drive back ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, its honestly quicker to walk........... fucking fuckwits.


grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Taking out a top/JP on a fruity for some pissed up regular to say

A) You'll never win on those overall.
B) Mines a fosters/carling/guinness.
C) How the f*ck did you get that outta there, it never pays.
D) (insert another locals name here) won't be happy you won his money!

trayhop123 wrote:bullying, racists, and bullshitting bullshitters that bullshit about how much they make and never ever lose .

racists , really get on my tits ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, because my indian m8 bik would die for me,

seriously , what has the colour of somebody's skin got to do with life ,

a man's honour and dignity ,,,,,,,, thats what matter



people who chase just the money , and dont see the bigger picture.


i was fetching the car quite a few months back , to pick up tracy , mr lugsy , scot , bik from our leicester spoons , when some twat tried to tap up bik for a few quid (because bik is about 4ft9) ,,,,,,,,,, scott just banged him out ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, thats loyalty that money cant buy.


dirty coin mechs.
landlords and pub regulars that dont see what we put in , only what we take out.

im just generally pissed off tonight .


and most recently the fuckwit jobsworths at kfc , 40 yards opposite my flat .

they have known me as a semi regular for 2 years ,,,,,,,,,,,,, i often walk over in my slippers and get served at the drive through hatch .

but they refuse to serve anyone there now on foot , without a car ,,,,,,,, since apparently they were held up at gunpoint.

even though they can clearly see my car from the hatch and clearly read my reg.

and ive offered to show em my id,,,,,,,,, and im in my slippers ffs

and it would be just as easy to brandish a gun from a car window wouldn't it ? ,,,,,,, ffs and make a quicker getaway in a car .

but no ,,,,,,,, ive still gotta change my shoes , grab my car keys , and drive 25 metres or so , to get served by the jobsworths twats , then drive back ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, its honestly quicker to walk........... fucking fuckwits.


grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

That is just crazy, i felt wound up just reading that, regarding those dicks u have at the kfc!!

So a couple of robbers walk up, with baseball bats/ knifes/guns!! " This is a FUCKING STICK UP, GIVE US THE MONEY YA MOTHER FUCKERS!!! Would they say " Sorry, u don't have a car"!

1) Stupid pub managers who think you've put nothing in the fruit and don't understand how it works

2) Substitute 'regulars' for 'managers'

3) Most other players' disloyalty and lies

4) Women who call you mate. God does this sound awful.

5) Lorry drivers. Especially those who slow you down in the outside lane.

Crumbs, I would have quite a few.
I'll list 10


1. Swearing. It's not big and it is definitely not clever. Even worse, underclass mums swearing at their toddler kids.
2. People putting their feet on chairs in the pub.
3. Dumb-dumbs who think you wish to share their dubious taste in music and WASP's who think they are some kind of five foot gangsta.
4. Queuing up for anything. No patience.
5. Staff in shops eating gum. Big no-no where I work.
6. The government for letting people loaf through their whole life on benefits, no discipline in schools so 40% of 11 year olds not being able to read and write basic English, not building enough jails and letting so many scroungers into the country.
7. Cyclists on the pavement. I deliberately walk at them and once had one trying to punch me because I gave him some lip.
8. Bullies in general.
9. Stupid people who have to exaggerate about everything when everybody knows they are lying.
10. Low slung jeans. How f**king stupid do these idiots look ? I like to laugh openly at them.

g wrote: ducks that give you evil looks.

i can relate to this ,where i used to live a couple of 'mating' gay mallards used to sit on my front garden making effeminate quacking noises at me and my family whenever we arrived at or left the house.


recently there was a group of lads outside my flat smoking weed and generally larking about when i got home with the missus and kids one night ,they parted and let us through no problem .
a few minutes later i observed that they seemed to have a couple of little guys maybe 3 yrs old with them and the biggest lad was intent on forcing the two little boys to fight each other .i expected the rest of the group to flatten the c#nt but noooooooooo,they all started cheering the poor little sods on ........who were both pleading to be allowed to stop :x .

the missus was pleading with me not to go outside and managed to stop me going out and getting an almost certain hiding off the evil bastards.

one of the guys intervened when one of the little boys was downed with the other one being forced to put the boot in .......................he was given a couple of right hooks by the biggest lad for his trouble .the fight was allowed to stop and they all moved on.

the biggest lad's card is marked now ,i would happily stamp his teeth out if the odds are a little more favourable.

Definately bullies!!!




:x :x

When somones done a poo in the tray of a cluedo